Why are we waiting??

My second child is due on the 8th March, but why do I have to wait so long? Because nature, and my newest offspring is laughing at me!!

Lateness seems to run in the genes (much like diarrohea) in my family. Both myself and my brother were late, as was my son. He was originally due to share my birthday, but held on another two weeks to ensure no sharing of birthday (true proof that he is my son lol).

Not more than three days ago, we were facing the prospect of an induced labour due to a 'slightly higher than normal' glucose test. In a strange way, despite my girlfriend having nightmares about it, I didn't mind - it meant the arrival was sooner rather than later! But now, after a perfectly normal reading (much to the joy and satisfaction of Marisa) we are back to waiting for nature to take effect.

So, now all the wisdom and wives tales are being trotted out... pineapple, steady movement, curry and sex, none of which really bother me, I happen to like pineapple. Marisa heard a new one the other day - Castor Oil (??!) Suffice to say, we won't be trying that one in a hurry.

I remember a Michael McIntyre routine from a few years back (remember him? I wonder what happened to him?) where his pregnant wife was searching for things to bring on labour. She happened on advice to 'ingest sperm'. Michael got excited about this - a blowjob for her own good, every man's dream - but she suggested he just wank into a cup!!!

So, anyway, hopefully the next blog will be a celebratory one, with little Anthony or Helena somewhere in the background keeping everyone busy. Fingers bloody crossed!

Or at least I will have had an exhausting weekend... know what I mean? wink wink, nudge nudge... say no more...

A Good Moan

It must be down to me approaching 30, but I'm just finding loads of stuff to moan about. At the moment, I'm digesting the following:

1 - Why is it that Football Clubs are treated different to normal businesses? If a run-of-the-mill company had debts of £70 million, they would be shut down in a flash. Not Portsmouth. No, they get chance after chance after chance. And while the current owner tries to make headway through the mire he has taken over (purely because the previous owner defaulted on a loan), what of the previous management that actually plunged the club into such a mountain of shit? Probably sunning themselves on a beach somewhere. Bastards!
And it's not just Portsmouth. The list of clubs with huge debts is almost never-ending: Red Scum United, Liverpool, Crystal Palace, Bournemouth spring immediately to mind. Then there's the Notts County situation, the Chester problem, and the Glasgow Rangers conundrum. They all have money troubles, all down to over-extending themselves.
Then there's Peter Risdale. He virtually ruined Leeds, now Cardiff are struggling for money. He should have been banned from football for the abject misery he brought to Leeds United. Let's be honest, that's what happens in the real world.

2 - The Iphone. It's a rip off really. What do you need all those applications for? Really? It's an Ipod with internet that coincidentally allows you to make the odd phone call. Don't see the point.

3 - The bizarre music phenomenon that calls itself 'RnB'. This is bollocks. It bears no resemblance to the actual origination of R and B - for all you young un's thats Rhythm And Blues. I suppose it's like BP - it no longer means British Petroleum, it's just two letters.

That's enough for now... the ironing calls. That's right, I do my own ironing.