A Special Christmas Treat...

Once in a while, it seems I have the ability to surprise people. As a modest, simple soul (not simple as in, you know, dumb, but simple as in "not complicated or difficult to fathom"). So it came to pass that I surprised some people recently. And, as a special Christmas treat for those, here, once again in all it's full technicolour (well, I suppose it's just black and white) glory, is how 'Dave' was introduced to the world. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!!!!

Dave’s Misfortune And Other Adventures

This is the story of a misfortunate chap called Dave. Now, Dave could be anyone really. You, me, or just someone you might know. Apparently it’s virtually impossible to go through life without coming into contact with a man named Dave.

But this particular Dave just seemed to have trouble with things. Love, work, family, even pets. In fact he had trouble with all these in the space of one unfortunate weekend. 

So, it all started on a Friday. Our Dave was looking forward to his weekend. He had plans to go to the cinema with his girlfriend, then a barbeque at his parents house on Saturday. 

He went to work on the Friday morning as usual. Things immediately struck him as odd – most of the managers were already closeted away in the office downstairs. This was not lost on his colleagues either. A few of them, Bill and Nicky, who were his immediate co-workers, sitting as they did opposite him, speculated on the possibilities. They ranged from murder to more mundane suggestions.

When the meeting broke up, and everyone began work, fears appeared to subside. Dave and Bill made plans to go for lunch at the pub, being as it was, Bill’s last day.

Before long, though, they were all called into a huge meeting. The big boss man dropped a bombshell on everyone – the company was struggling, and in order to carry on, changes would have to be made. To cut a long story sideways, Dave was going to be out of a job soon! Now this didn’t quite sink in with Dave. Not properly. The affected staff were allowed to leave early and come back on Monday morning for further discussions.

Dave and Bill eventually de-camped to the pub for lunch, Dave fully intending to make an afternoon of it! Many of the staff also headed to the pub, out of habit more than anything (although there was by no means a drinking culture).

After a good six pints, Dave was feeling suitably wobbly in the legs department. He wisely put in a call to his lovely lady, Kelly, to see if there was any chance of a lift home. Never mind that Kelly was at work and at a crucial stage in her staff appraisal. Her boss was really putting her to the test! (wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?!)

So, anyway, having not spoken to Kelly, he decided to try his old man. Having attempted to explain his current predicament, through a haze of beer, he finally managed to convey his need for getting home in his current state. Reluctantly, for he was also working, Dave’s dad agreed to come and get him and drop him off at home.

Three pints later, his dad arrived and, true to his word, took Dave back home to the place he shared with Kelly. Dave that is, not his dad. His dad was married to Dave’s mum, and had been for nearly forty years.

Anyway, Dave got into his home and sat on the sofa. He tried once more to let Kelly know what the problem was, but again no answer. Not knowing what to do for the best, he sat and watched the television for a while. Not realising, he managed to fall asleep, and was only stirred when Kelly arrived home in a state of undress. It could have been distress, but Dave had just woken up, and unbeknownst to Dave, Kelly was carrying her pants in her handbag.

Not impressed with Dave, and the prospect of having to be a breadwinner, and being on the bread-line, Kelly told him to bugger off as she preferred her boss. When Dave asked why, she only replied in the monetary sense. Dave was confused, but decided to ask for an explanation nonetheless. It turned out that Kelly had been doing more than checking the stationary cupboard with her boss. Also, today’s appraisal had included a rather extensive examination, which Kelly was proud to have passed. Her boss was pretty pleased with her oral skills too, by the way.

Well, to sum up, Dave was now out of work and out of a relationship. Still being in a beer haze, he proceeded to rearrange the furniture in a reckless way. He then left Kelly in a state of shock, stood in the middle of the living room, surveying the carnage. 

He finally turned up at his parents house, worse for wear, and tired after a long walk. He confided his misfortune to his parents who commiserated with him over a cup of coffee and a cream cake. He went to bed, tired, emotional and with a huge headache from all the beer.

He woke up next morning feeling like someone was trying to drill through his skull and swish his brain around! An almighty hangover it was. With that night being his parents barbeque, Dave pledged to leave off the beer for the day.

However, as guests arrived, including his brother and wife, drinks flowed and Dave joined in, figuring it was rude not to. One thing led to another, and before long Dave was taking control of the barbequing. Burgers, sausages, all sorts. When they ran out of fish, Dave happily dived into his dad’s pond and netted some fish to cook. If his dad had seen this, Dave would have been stopped well before he got to the edge of the pond. It turns out koi carp are particularly expensive to replace and not all nice to eat.

Now, Kelly took this opportunity to pile more misery on Dave. She showed up, unabashed, and proceeded to dump his belongings on the driveway. The bare-faced cheek shouted Dave, and being drunk, displayed his bare faced cheeks to Kelly. Not a pretty sight, as you can imagine!

Kelly drove off with her new man in the car. Dave couldn’t help feeling put out. He was older, uglier, shorter and fatter than Dave, which made him feel marginally better.

Saturday night turned into Sunday morning. Dave’s dad was fuming about the fish, Dave’s mum was apoplectic about the embarrassment she’d felt, Dave’s brother was upset he hadn’t been allowed to get his air rifle and shoot at Kelly. Dave felt responsible for all of this. He made his mind up to take the chance and go away for a while. Somewhere quiet, where he could be with his thoughts, such as they were! Maybe experience life a bit, coming as he did, from a sheltered background.

He told his parents who were not best pleased with his care-free lassez-faire attitude to seeking employment, but his mind was set, and he explained that now was the time to follow a dream, take life by the balls and make things happen, in places he wanted them to happen. It was an amazing speech and the only thing preventing it from going down as the greatest speech of all time, was the fact that only his parents heard it. Or that it didn’t include the phrase “I have a dream…”. Oh well.

When challenged to elaborate on his dream, he started to regale his parents with a tale of unrivalled sexual exploits with rich, beautiful women in every major city in the world. Eventually, after recovering from their initial shock at hearing Dave telling them about a reverse cowgirl with Cameron Diaz, his parents guided him in the direction of telling them what he intended to do in the real world. Without pausing, Dave said he wanted to get away and see the world for a bit. Dave’s dad wasn’t impressed. He hadn’t had the chance to do any of that when he was Dave’s age. 

Dave waved away the protests and said his mind was made up.  And so began his adventures…

What John Lennon Means To Me

It's that time of year again.

Christmas? No, well, almost. But not Christmas.

31 years ago today, the light that is John Winston Ono Lennon was extinguished by a nutter with a gun. But the afterglow is still as bright as ever. That sentence came to me this morning and subsequently became both my Facebook status and a tweet on Twitter. It may be crazy, but it is so true.

I can think of no other anniversary that marks an individual's death that resonates still with so many people as the anniversary of John Lennon's death every 8th December. Over the course of the day, at the various memorial sites across the word (Strawberry Fields in New York's Central Park, and the one in Liverpool to name but two) people will go and pay their respects to a man, his music, and his legacy. Lennon tunes will be played, some people still get weepy.

The fact is that John is mourned by family, friends, people who grew up in his lifetime, and those who have grown up knowing only his legend and creative output. There aren't many people who can say that.

In life he was a man for our times, in death he became almost a deity. Which is terribly sad. In life he had both devoted fans and harsh critics, in death it seems that all the bad stuff has been washed away.

I would say his fans can be categorised as the Beatles fans who didn't like his overtly political, outspoken solo career, the Lennon fans that liked the honesty and harshness of his early solo career and baulked when he softened upon his return to recording before his death, and those who loved it all. There is also a special category for those fans who loved the Beatles, and loved his solo career, but thought that 'Some Time In New York City' wasn't really a great album.

I fall into the latter category. I can't remember now how John first came to my attention. It may have been through my parents listening to the odd Beatles track, or my brother. Either way, as I grew up I began to devour pretty much everything that came from the Beatles and John's solo career. I was amazed at how he was able to write from his heart yet connect with the man in the street. The Beatles as a group have a back catalogue with a song for every possible mood. As John matured, so did his music and his outlook. He started writing about what was going on around him and in the world, bringing us 'Revolution', 'Cold Turkey' and 'Instant Karma' to name just a few.

John's greatest achievement for me, are the two albums that signalled his solo career - The Plastic Ono Band and the behemoth that is Imagine. On one hand you get the harsh reality and raw emotion, on the other there is a melodic genius that anyone would struggle to match.

His music became a little overly political upon his move to the US, he was immersed in borderline extreme political movements, and this alerted the Nixon government, beginning a 4 year fight for John to remain in the country. He won in the end.

The birth of his and Yoko's only child, Sean, signalled a period of self-imposed absence which was rare for someone of his stature and profile to do. Five years passed before he returned to the studio and gave us what would prove to be his swansong. He clearly saw this as a new start, a rebirth. Now comfortable in his own skin and looking forward to growing old, he gave us 'Woman', 'Beautiful Boy', and 'Watching The Wheels' where he tells us how he looks at those rushing by and explains how he's happy to sit back and smell the roses, take it easy - a reversal from how he used to be.

And then in a couple of shots, he was gone. And I was only a few months old. Yet I get quite emotional on this day, listening to Imagine, All You Need Is Love, Grow Old With Me.

We All Shine On. Like the moon, the stars and the sun. God rest your soul John, we all miss you on Planet Earth.

Musical Influences

It can be said that most people's musical taste is formed in their childhood. And parents take a large part of the blame or praise for that. Then, as you grow, you become exposed to more and begin to develop your own direction. Unfortunately, this is where people go wrong and get mixed up in RnB nonsense, but they can be rescued.



My dad in his Freddie Mercury phase!



But this isn't about them, this is about me and my influences. I can put my musical education down to five people and here they are:

1) My dad! As a youngster, all those car journeys that were accompanied by the likes of Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly and the like have instilled a liking of the 50's era. Add to that the occasional flicks through his record collection revealing delights as The Rolling Stones, The Hollies, Elvis Presley and of course Monty Python's Life of Brian!

2) My mum. Along with my dad, my mum has her own influence. Not her current music tastes, granted, but the likes of Marvin Gaye and the first two Beatles albums (although my dad lays claim to one of them). To be fair, even Tina Turner and Cliff Richard have left their mark on my steamy windows!!

3) My mate Doug (and probably his parents too!). Growing up together at the time of the British music boom in the early to mid-nineties, he was probably one step ahead of the game thanks to avid readership of NME. From there he ensured I got to appreciate the likes of Oasis, Supergrass, Kula Shaker, Cast and many more. Thankfully we both managed to skip the drabness of Coldplay. And he also helped me make the first connection with Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin and probably most joyously of all Nick Harper.

4) My lovely lady Marisa. I was already pretty advanced by the time she came into my life, and had written off the majority of 'new' music. She still managed to get me hooked on the Fleet Foxes and Mando Diao, whilst embedding Led Zeppelin further into my consciousness.



James, possibly pointing the way to music nirvana



5) My brother James. Easily the greatest influence on my musical education. Whilst I was playing my Subbuteo and Game Gear in my room, he was next door with his 'music centre' (radio, twin cassette AND turntable) blasting out the likes of De La Soul, Beastie Boys, The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays. He also did his Ibiza phase which I just don't get. It didn't stop there, he embedded the Beatles in my head forever (although it took me a while to officially give in), The Beautiful South (and the Housemartins by association), and House of Pain.

So, those five people can stand up and take a bow and congratulate themselves on creating a musical connoisseur (or snob, take it as you will).

Anyway, I'm off to listen to a bit of Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band... (just kidding, it's The Sopranos soundtrack)

Albums You Should Own Part 7

Welcome back to another in my well-established series of suggestions for your record collection. When I say well-established, I mean I've actually put some thought into it and come up with more than a couple of posts in the same vein!!

I'm sure by now your bank balances have recovered from the serious outlay that was the entire Beatles studio back-catalogue, so we can move on to my next offering.

All Things Must Pass by George Harrison

Totally inspired by the showing of Martin Scorsese's documentary on the BBC over the weekend, my next offering is the debut solo album from the "under-rated Beatle". Fresh from the Beatle break-up and subsequent law-suits, George Harrison found an outlet for his ever growing stockpile of songs deemed 'not good enough' for Beatles albums Let It Be and Abbey Road. And, boy, what an album to produce.

Released at the end of 1970, in the vinyl format of the 'olden days', this was a triple album, but technological advancement meant that it fit on to two cds (even the 30th Anniversary edition produced in 2001 with bonus tracks).

It starts with "I'd Have You Anytime", a writing collaboration with Bob Dylan that gives a mellow opening before kicking up a few gears with the mammoth "My Sweet Lord", a song that both made George a fortune and also cost him a fair bit (a lawsuit centering on the similarity between this and "He's So Fine" by the Chiffons). Play this song and before the first chorus is over, you will be singing along. I guarantee it.

Following closely behind is "Wah Wah", written the day George walked out of the Let It Be sessions after a filmed heated discussion with Paul McCartney. The recording is distorted and noisy, thanks to Phil Spector (still basking in the perceived success of the Let It Be production), something George admitted his dislike of initially, but it grew on him.

Another gear change down brings us the first of two versions of the song "Isn't It A Pity?". This version is seven minutes long and beautiful. Enough said. Then George takes us back up a notch with a real gem, "What Is Life". I first heard this song on the Goodfellas film soundtrack, just a snippet during the film - the full version became one of my firm favourites. From here, we then have a rare cover version - George's rendition of Bob Dylan's "If Not For You". Equally as good as Bob's version, and possibly easier on the ear! This is followed by three good solid tracks (although many artists would kill to be able to have songs like them on an album) in "Behind That Locked Door", "Let It Down" and "Run Of The Mill".

After this, you'd be forgiven for wondering if the quality of songs might dip. Not just yet, for we are treated to another truly wonderful song, "Beware Of Darkness".

For me, the rest of the album does struggle to maintain the standards so far set, but one final mention should be given to the album's title track - "All Things Must Pass". First written and demoed during the Let It Be sessions (see the Beatles Anthology albums for the song's Beatle-days incarnation), George finally gets to air this masterpiece of musical philosophy and gives it the platform it deserves. It would have been a crime to have this playing second fiddle to "One After 909" or "Dig It".

And then the album finishes off with some good, solid if not unremarkable tracks including the second version of "Isn't It A Pity", "The Art of Dying" and the closing "Hear Me Lord". Then we get an extra treat in the form of recorded session jams, one for the purists only I think (a banner I happily fall under).

And there we have it, a real beauty of an album, often forgotten thanks to the extensive post-Beatles outputs from Lennon and McCartney. Hard to believe it's 10 years since George left us, but with albums like this, he'll always, always live on.

Ta'ra!!
And as George would say, "Hare Krishna"!

Reunions, reunions, reunions

Over the past couple of years, there has been an increasing trend of bands getting back together years after splitting up for whatever reasons.

The latest two are from the complete extremes of the spectrum: Steps - purveyors of cheesy, trashy, smile-until-your-face-hurts-even-though-you're-dying-inside pop and the Stone Roses - purveyors of Madchester, stare at your shoes, borderline tuneless singer yet the band of a generation that split acrimoniously after a long-awaited much anticipated second album failed to ignite the masses still in awe at the stellar debut album.

For me, the news of the Roses 'resurrection' was of more interest. Having only heard about their legend secondhand and been made to settle for multiple listenings of the albums, and the odd youtube video, the chance to witness it all firsthand is tantalising to say the least. Admittedly, the first shows in Manchester came around too soon for my bank-balance to have recovered enough to fund a couple of tickets. I just have to hope there will be a substantial tour to follow the scheduled album.

But this brings me on to a little gripe of mine...

Why risk the legacy for an ill-advised attempt to reclaim past glories? One reason is probably to supplement the retirement funds in light of the current financial meltdown. Another maybe a poor indictment on the current music scene.

Other bands that got back together with varying degrees of success: Take That (luckily, their fans grew up with them, so were generally at the age that meant they had the buying power to justify it); Spice Girls (just as the individual solo careers hit the rocks - short-lived most likely because nobody cared); Blur (because Damon Albarn needs to have as many projects on the go as humanly possible, and Alex James wanted a break from making cheese); Pulp (just because they can) and Spandau Ballet (because they all sued Gary Kemp, and having used all their money to do so, needed more, and Gary Kemp was feeling sorry for them!).

I've also heard that Liam Gallagher is open to a reconvening of Oasis to celebrate and tour for the 20th anniversary of (What's The Story) Morning Glory. Noel is less so, and I am on the side of the older Gallagher. There's no need.

One reunion I would like to see though is The Smiths. Not for any new material, just a bit of a tour playing the old stuff.

Oh, and before I go, the Dave project is continuing at a slower speed than expected, thanks to Sony and their dastardly addictive Playstation2!!!!

How times change...

There was a time in the quite distant past (oh, how depressing that is) when I became obsessed with football. And with that obsession came the peer pressure: Liverpool or Manchester United??!

Well, my first experience of footballclubreplicakitmania was actually not the real McCoy, as they say. My mum very skilfully copied the Derby County ram and stitched it on to a pair of plain white shorts. And I wore those shorts with pride. This was the first time I had had football gear specifically for me. Before this, I'd had the usual hand-me-downs from my big brother: England '82, Villa '81 (already a hand-me-down for James), then another unofficial Napoli effort from the Maradona era, Liverpool '84, and then Liverpool '85-ish away.

And then, I gave in, and the pestering of my parents began. My first full football kit came as a proud 9 year old boy with my full Liverpool kit in red. I was on the bandwagon and it was Liverpool-bound. The next season saw me running around on that red Liverpool kit with the white flecks on that looked like I'd been flicked with paint - the one they wore when they last won the title. I also celebrated England's World Cup success with a full away kit (again, red - must have been my favourite colour or something).

Then something inside me changed. Even now, 20 years on, I find it hard to explain or justify. One April lunchtime I was sitting in my parent's loung watching the FA Cup Semi-final between Arsenal and Tottenham. James was rooting for Arsenal, and something that I can only put down to healthy brotherly competition stirred me to support the Spurs. Gazza's free-kick started off a glorious Tottenham victory and a new glory-seeking affiliation was born. Spurs won the cup sporting a fancy new kit, and weeks later, I was wearing that very same kit (less the beer sponsorship) on the school field in a summer football course run by the legendary Frank Clarke. But to us kids he was just 'Frank'.

A few years later, I was one of the many excited Tottenham fans awaiting the new season with Klinsmann, Dumitrescu, Anderton et al. I was suitably adorned with the Tottenham shirt of the time (with the funny double collar thing... you know the one), playing football with my mates, celebrating goals with Klinsmann dives through the mud. I even went as far as to buy Germany shorts on a school trip to Germany!!

And then, the replica kits dried up. Mostly because I was considered 'too old' by my parents to have a football kit bought for me, and then lack of funds meant I couldn't by my own. But for my 21st Birthday, my brother kindly helped me fill the void with the all-white Italy kit of the 2000 European Championships (complete with shirt number 21, and name Ercoli - a Sopranos in-joke for those wondering). Then, if I remember correctly, it wasn't until the 2002 World Cup that I bought my next piece of replica merchandise. It was England again.

Then, in the summer of 2004 (I think, I may be wrong) I purchased my first and, to date, only Shrewsbury shirt. A special day indeed. Being different, of course, it was the away shirt, but classy all the same.

A couple of years later, I picked up a Glasgow Rangers away shirt in a JJB sale for a tenner, much to my now ex-wife's chagrin.

And my most recent purchase came in the form of last years Rangers 3rd kit shorts, and home socks (basically both black). I'm always on the look out for a bargain - my next purchase may well be from Austrian football (yes, they do play it, and yes, they're not particularly good at it).

But last weekend, for the first time, I took my eldest son and got him a football kit. His head has been turned by the financial masters in the blue half of Manchester, but, just like his dad, he went for the away kit. A chip off the old block.

And I'm still waiting to buy him his first Shrewsbury shirt, but you know all about that...

Notice to 'Dave' fans

Evening all, because for me, it is the evening.

Just a quick note to say I've taken the Dave stories off the blog.

That's because they will soon be appearing in print. Not an e-book, not on Kindle, or shitePad. In print. On real paper. You will be able to turn the pages and everything. Won't that be nice?

Before you get carried away in congratulating me on a publishing deal to rival JK Rowling, calm down, I'll be going down the self-publication route.

If you want a copy, please leave a comment here, or on the inevitable Facebook post, or by tweeting in my general direction.

I can't give a publication date as yet, as I've got to pull my finger out and write another four or five stories, but I would hope to have something ready for Christmas.

I'm quite excited by the way.

Don't worry, I will be bringing some other writing projects to the blog over the next few months.

JM.

The End of the Long And Winding Albums You Should Own Beatles Special

It's been a while since the last blog post, but hopefully you've got everything you need up to now. You've been basking in the White Album, marvelling at Sgt Pepper and been confounded by Magical Mystery Tour.
Now settle down and prepare to be amazed by the Beatles final albums recorded and released despite the internal mayhem and bitching going on.

Yellow Submarine
The third Beatles movie, released purely to fulfill a contract and with next to no input from the band themself. The accompanying soundtrack album was also thin on new Beatles music, with just four tracks getting a first airing. Alongside 'Yellow Submarine' (obviously) and 'All You Need Is Love', we are treated to 'Hey Bulldog', 'All Together Now' and two George Harrison originals 'It's Only A Northern Song', a tongue in cheek observation on the Publishing Company responsible for Lennon and McCartney original compositions, and 'It's All Too Much'. The rest of the album is taken up by orchestral incidental music taken from the film, written by George Martin.

Abbey Road

Whilst technically not recorded until after the debacle that was the Let It Be sessions, for chronology's sake, as it was the next one to be released, it's the turn of Abbey Road. The quality and recording of the tracks allows this album to easily hold it's own in the 'Greatest Beatles Album' argument. From the opening intro of 'Come Together', which is followed by one of the greatest love songs ever written, 'Something' to the oppressiveness of 'I Want You (She's So Heavy)' the tracks ooze genius (not counting the childish 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer'). Even 'Octopus' Garden' has a charm about it, Ringo's second successful writing effort. Then, the medley that makes up the second half of the album winds and rises and falls through all sorts of moods ending in, well 'The End'. A perfect way to bring their recording career as a band to a close. But it doesn't. After the gentle piano ends, you get a couple of seconds of silence, then 'Her Majesty' comes from nowhere to finish it all off. And reminds you of one thing: Never try and second guess The Beatles!!

 

Let It Be

But it wasn't the end of it all, not as far as the fans were concerned. In May 1970, after months of wrangling, arguing, remixing and so on, John Lennon called in his new best mate, Phil Spector, to give the recordings an overhaul. From the original intention to be an 'as live' album, warts and all, it became more of the same. Schmaltzy choral sounds, double-tracking of sounds were added to the bare bones in some attempt to make the music marketable. And yet, the tracks are still heavyweight entries into the Beatles canon: 'Let It Be' and 'The Long And Winding Road' are two McCartney gems, John's 'Across The Universe' is a lovely song (and well used to sing my youngest son to sleep), George gives us 'I Me Mine' and 'For You Blue'. And the album closes with the return to basics, good old rock and roll stomper that is 'Get Back'. Proof indeed that the Beatles were, above everything else, incredibly talented musicians. As a band, they must be considered as a one off.

Past Masters Volume II
And so we arrive at the final album in the original Beatles catalogue. The second singles/curios compilation. The track listing is virtually a greatest hits in itself: 'Day Tripper', 'We Can Work It Out', 'Paperback Writer', 'Rain'... 'Lady Madonna', erm, 'The Inner Light', a real Indian flavoured effort from George. Then back on track with 'Hey Jude', 'Revolution', 'Get Back' and 'Don't Let Me Down'. Personally, the most underrated single, 'The Ballad of John And Yoko', is one of the stand out tracks - recorded by John and Paul only (the others were on holidays or just unavailable at such short notice) it tells the story of John and Yoko's wedding and honeymoon adventure. The last song on the album is the suitably ridiculous 'You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)'. Ridiculous, but still sublime in it's own way.

That's it then. All the reasons you could possibly want to own the entire back catalogue of The Beatles. And if you want the story behind it all, get yourself the Beatles Anthology DVD series and the accompanying 3 double CD album set. Once you've done that, all other music is redundant...

Well, no it isn't, but it definitely puts it all into perspective.

A Rant

I just want to take a moment to complain about my local football club. Shrewsbury Town. Some may not have a clue who I mean, some will. In particular, I want to complain about the whole commercial operation and the way they have lost touch with reality.

I decided that this year, I would buy my eldest son the new home shirt for his birthday, maybe even get a name and number printed on it too. The kit was launched on 31st July at the club's open day, and I have no idea how many were on sale because before too long, the smaller sizes had sold out. Another shipment was due on the 20th August it was announced. So, today, just two days later, I rang the club to see if I could place an order to be picked up and paid for in person. No chance. I was informed by a simpleton on the other end that they still didn't have any of the smaller sizes in stock, and wouldn't until Saturday (if at all, he wasn't sure!). "Could I ring on Friday, they might know a bit more then?" Like a wally, I said yes. I should have said "No. Here's my number. YOU ring ME when they come in!"

This is merely the tip of the iceberg. The junior shirt is going to set me back £30. Yes, that's right, £30. Just for the shirt. Printing will cost more on top. I'm all for supporting my local club and encouraging my son to support his local team instead of chasing glory with the likes of Liverpool, Manchester United and City or Arsenal, but the bottom line is, I can walk into a branch of JJB Sports and get a whole kit - shirt, shorts and socks for £30. It's just crazy. Which brings me on to my next gripe. You can only buy the Shrewsbury kits from the club shop. Nowhere else. You would think that a small club would want to cast their net as wide as possible. In days gone by, you could go into Salopian Sports or Sports & Games in the town and get yourself a shirt. Not any more. I tell you, they've got Premier League ideas being implemented by Sunday League cretins.

Then we come to the match-day arrangements for fans. It's a 10,000 seater stadium on the outskirts of the town. They get average attendances of about 5,000 for a home game. But only parking for about 200 cars, and no arrangements for any parking elsewhere. You can pay a fiver to park in a pub car park just down the road, and that's about it. There used to be a park and ride facility from a number of places around the town, but apparently these weren't cost effective, so they were axed.

And if you want to go to a game, you have to make sure you know you want to go well in advance. Gone are the days when you could decide on a Saturday morning, or a Tuesday lunchtime to go to a game, give your mate a call and wander down to the Gay Meadow and pay on the gate. These days you have to buy a ticket. And before you do that, you have to register. Something my brother knows all to well!

But the worst thing of all is, I still keep supporting them and giving them my money because after all, they're in my blood.

Come. On. You. Blues.
Graham Turner's Barmy Army.

Back in the Beatles Album You Should Own Special

A week is a long time. When we were here last, I'd finished telling you to buy all Beatles albums up to and including Revolver. Hopefully you've done that and have been spending your hard earned money and been rewarded with a positively perfect piece of musical history gold.

Now, I'm here to help you complete the next step in your Beatles back catalogue bonanza. By the end of 1966, things were changing: they had quietly given up touring, been on various holidays and John had even appeared in a film, 'How I Won The War'. Even more momentously, they'd all had a bit of a haircut and grown moustaches. They were now in the process of recording what would become the ground-breaking album we all know as 'Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band'. And as if by sheer coincidence...

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
This album probably took the world by surprise more than any Beatles record had done. Gone were the breezy two minute pop songs, replaced by a cacophony of new sounds and ideas. From the opening sound of an orchestra tuning up leading into the drums and guitar intro of the the title track, you know this is something different and special. After the title track, you've got the sing-along 'With A Little Help From My Friends' which is perfect for Ringo to sing (being as that was why it was written), followed by the controversial 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds'. Is it about LSD? Or is it merely based on a picture drawn by a young Julian Lennon of his friend Lucy? The BBC felt it was the former, and banned it. 'Getting Better' and 'Fixing A Hole' continue the album, leading us on to 'She's Leaving Home' - Paul McCartney's story of a girl sneaking out whilst her parents are still asleep to run away with a "man from the motor trade".

Then you get John's 'Being For The Benefit of Mr Kite', a smorgasbord of sound and noise, achieving the aim of actually sounding like the circus that John intended. More studio trickery and genius from producer George Martin, who was still guiding The Beatles through their musical adventures - helping them make the sounds they wanted. George Harrison's only offering on the album 'Within You Without You' takes his Indian mysticism to the next level. This is followed by two chirpy efforts from Paul - 'When I'm Sixty-Four' and 'Lovely Rita'. As the album draws to a close, with 'Good Morning Good Morning' and the reprise of Sgt Pepper, we are then treated to the best song on the album. 'A Day In The Life' is a musical masterpiece that not only broke all boundaries, but picked them up, gave them a good slap round the face, then climbed into a juggernaut and ran them over again and again. And just when you think it's all over, you get what could possibly be the world's first 'hidden track'.

Magical Mystery Tour
Released to coincide with the TV film of the same name, this was originally a double EP, but with the transfer to CD, the singles from around the time were added to make up a full album. Whilst the film was critically panned at the time, and left the public even more baffled than they were, the soundtrack album was still music to their ears. Stand out tracks for me are 'The Fool On The Hill', 'Blue Jay Way' (which incidentally is the name of my as-yet unproduced sitcom script) and, of course, 'I Am The Walrus'. Add into the mix, singles 'Hello Goodbye', the forever brilliant 'All You Need Is Love' and the double A-side single that signalled the beginning of the era (but failed to reach the coveted Number 1 in the charts), 'Strawberry Fields Forever' and 'Penny Lane'. It was always going to be difficult to follow 'Sgt Pepper' but this is a pretty damn good nontheless.

The Beatles (The White Album)
There are thousands of words in the English language, yet I struggle to find any good enough to describe this double album. The scale of it is mind-bending. Of the 30 tracks on offer, they all give something different. From 'Back In The USSR' to 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' via 'Blackbird' and the country rock of 'Don't Pass Me By', Ringo's first proper writing credit, after years of cleverly re-writing existing songs, much to the amusement of all! Then, when you change the record, you get battered over the head with songs like 'Birthday', 'Yer Blues', 'Helter Skelter', then soothed by 'Mother Nature's Son' and 'Good Night'. But only after the avant garde sound collage that is 'Revolution 9' - a Yoko Ono inspired John Lennon attempt at capturing the sound of revolution in action. Apparently.

It would be unfair of me to go on from this point until you've had chance to take it all in. I suggest you pop out to buy the albums featured in this blog, come back, find a darkened room somewhere and just listen. Then appreciate that this is music written and performed by people who weren't even 30 years old at the time and had been through so much in such a short space of time.

When you're done with these, I'll finish the job off. And you had better be prepared for that!!!

Being A Continuation of My Albums You Should Own: Beatles Special

Ok, so you've read and digested the first part. You've been out to your local record emporium, or been internet shopping, or (through gritted teeth) downloaded the albums in their entirety from that well-known bunch of bastards with a fruity name.

Now, I'm going to tell you why you need to buy the next phase of Beatles recording gold. By now, The Beatles were growing up. Both in life (John was now a father; Paul was heavily involved with Jane Asher; George had nabbed Patti Boyd, who would later be the subject of two truly awesome love songs, and Ringo had his girl, Maureen) and artistically. They'd moved on from the simple love songs aimed directly at the screaming fans, and were now writing more philosophical, personal songs. Yet the constant work-load never let up. By now, the tours were getting huger, even America was struggling to find a venue big enough.

Then The Beatles took live performance to the next level (size-wise at least). Shea Stadium in New York hosted the first ever stadium gig. 55,000 screaming American kids. And The Beatles in the middle of it all. They could hardly hear themselves, let alone the fans hearing them above all the din. They also starred in their second film, 'Help!' and were fitting in the time to write and record new material. And it is here that my continuation, er, continues...

Help!
So then, another movie, another soundtrack. While the film lacked a certain something, the soundtrack album that accompanied it lacked nothing. The blistering title track 'Help!' enabled John to hide his low morale, self-confidence and self-worth behind an upbeat pop song guaranteed to sell millions. From this to a totally acoustic 'You've Got To Hide Your Love Away' demonstrates their growing versatility as a band. Other stand out tracks include 'Ticket To Ride', 'I Need You', George's second recorded song, which signalled how far his craft had come, yet not necessarily signposting the quality yet to come, and 'You're Going To Lose That Girl'. The other outstanding track on the album which went on to become the most played on radio and most covered song is 'Yesterday'. The story goes that Paul woke up with the melody already in his head from start to finish, played to all his friends an family trying to find out what it was, not believing it was his own creation. Eventually he was persuaded that it was all his own work, and set about putting some lyrics to the tune. Then, when it came to the recording, no other Beatle was able to add anything to it, so it was virtually a McCartney solo recording.

Past Masters Volume 1
I've chosen this point to insert the first of The Beatles singles, b-sides and rarities compilations as the track listing ends with the b-sides from the 'Help!' singles. There are the 4 non-album singles, 'From Me To You' (a little piece of local interest here, this was written on the bus journey from York to Shrewsbury in 1963, a show one of my parents went to at the old Music Hall), the awesome 'She Loves You', the single that broke America 'I Want To Hold Your Hand' and it's equally wonderful B-side 'This Boy', and the world's first feedback record 'I Feel Fine'. Then you've got the single release version of 'Love Me Do' (not featuring Ringo on drums), tracks from the 'Long Tall Sally' EP: 'Long Tall Sally' being Paul's rendition of Little Richards rocker, and 'I'm Down', the B-side to 'Help!', itself a McCartney attempt at emulating the energy and noise of Little Richard's song. Finally, as a curio, you have the two German language recordings of their biggest singles of the time: 'Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand' and 'Sie Liebt Dich'. (Answers on a postcard!!)

Rubber Soul
When they reconvened to record the first of what I like to call the "Beatles' Holy Trinity" (ie the three albums which are generally considered to be the most creative and consistently top the 'Greatest Album Ever' polls), drugs were beginning to play a bigger part in the mood and writing of the band. By now it's getting harder to pick just a few strong songs to highlight, given the quality on offer: 'Drive My Car', 'Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)', 'Nowhere Man', 'Michelle', 'In My Life' and George's ever improving writing talent this time showcased with 'If I Needed Someone'.

Revolver
Revolver consists of 14 genuinely brilliant songs. Not one can be considered below par (well, maybe one or two, but that's being overly harsh).
We begin with 'Taxman', George Harrison's first true classic. Written as a riposte at the incredibly high tax rate that they were being forced to pay, it served to give George the image of being overly money conscious. Before you know it, we're on to 'Eleanor Rigby'. Another virtual McCartney solo piece, and the first example of Paul's ability to write songs about other people that don't really exist or have any meaning. But didn't he do well?!! From there to 'I'm Only Sleeping', John's way of saying "hey, slow down, or just leave me be, I'm taking my time".
'Love You To' is George's first really Indian inspired song. 'Here, There And Everywhere' goes together with 'Good Day Sunshine' and 'For No One' as further examples of Paul's genius at this point in time. We all know 'Yellow Submarine', of course. Written specifically with Ringo in mind, and all-out fun with the recording process. 'She Said She Said' and 'Doctor Robert' are a useful duo of drug influenced songs ('She Said She Said' based on a comment made by a tripping Peter Fonda, and 'Doctor Robert' being the well-connected doctor who could get their hands on a plethora of substances for the rich and famous).
'I Want To Tell You' is an unprecedented THIRD Harrison song on a Beatles single album. Which leaves the last two tracks. 'Got To Get You Into My Life' is Paul's song, it could easily be taken as a love song about accommodating a woman, yet it's merely expresses his developing love and use of Marijuana.
And so the album finishes with an aural explosion of sound and effects. Intended to sound like a group of monks chanting on a mountain-top, studio trickery and experimentation gave it the other-worldly sound John hoped for. The lyrics were taken and inspired by the 'Tibetan Book of The Dead' which was being used by the acid generation as a guide for the mental experiences encountered during an acid trip. To listen to this track and then appreciate that this can be produced by the same mind that just two years earlier gave us 'A Hard Day's Night' takes some doing.

And so we come to the end of the second instalment of my Beatles extravaganza. Stay tuned for more...

Albums You Should Own: Beatles Special

Returning to my series which attempts to ensure you have a music collection as good as mine, you're in for a treat this time around. Because I'm going to suggest not one, not two, nor three but four. Yes! Four albums in one go!

Yes, over the next week I am going to tell you that you should own EVERY single Beatles album (the 13 studio albums and the 2 Past Masters albums). And I'm going to tell you why you should own them. When I planned this blog post, I asked myself "how shall I order them? Should I put them in order of my favourite?" Then I said to myself: "Bollocks. I'll do it chronologically!"

So, here it is then, the first part of my Beatles Albums You Should Own Extravaganza!!!!

Please Please Me

The first album which was an attempt to capture them "as live". When they entered the studio to record the album, producer George Martin got them to run through their live repertiore and this album is the result. Recorded in one day (how many artists could boast that achievement these days?), bursting with youthful energy and containing a mixture of covers and self-penned songs, this announced that The Beatles were here, and ready to take on the world. From Paul's count-in on 'I Saw Her Standing There' through changing tempo's of 'Anna (Go To Him)' and 'Chains', the first single 'Love Me Do', a bit of a show tune in 'A Taste Of Honey' to the final rip-roaring, throat-shredding vocal of 'Twist And Shout', this album is a must.

With The Beatles

Having shown their versatility with the first album, The Beatles returned to the studio to provide their ever growing band of devoted fans with another mix of covers and Lennon/McCartney originals. The album also allowed George Harrison to showcase his own songwriting skills. Of the covers, 'You Really Got A Hold On Me' and 'Roll Over Beethoven' stand out, and of the self-written songs, 'All My Loving' is by far the best in my opinion. Then there is the song that inspired Mick Jagger and Keith Richards to start writing, 'I Wanna Be Your Man' which John and Paul finished in front of them and gave to them for a single.

A Hard Day's Night

The first and only album completely written by Lennon and McCartney, and recorded to tie in with their first big screen outing. You've got the heavyweights of 'A Hard Day's Night' and 'Can't Buy Me Love', along side the underrated 'If I Fell', 'You Can't Do That' and 'I'll Be Back'. The fact that they were able to produce 13 of their own songs of such consistent quality amidst the singles, touring and filming shows what talent and commitment The Beatles had to their music. You might wonder how they managed it. But they did. Get it in your collection.

Beatles For Sale
After the exertions of the first years, you would be forgiven for expecting a bit of a lull in quality or activity. Not The Beatles. Still producing 2 albums in a year, still packing them with their own songs, and still touring at the speed of sound, they produced yet more gold. Having had their legendary meeting with Bob Dylan, and his influence now seeping into their output, this album gives us the delights of 'No Reply', the heavily Dylanesque 'I'm A Loser', the world's first fade-in track 'Eight Days A Week', not to mention great covers like the 'Kansas City/Hey Hey Hey Hey' medley and George's rendition of 'Everybody's Trying To Be My Baby'.

So, four albums in two years, not to mention the endless tours, a film and hit singles. Bet you can't wait for the next one now!

Words don't begin to describe it...

London's Burning
Panic
I Predict a Riot.

Who thought we would actually see scenes like we have done over the past three evenings? I didn't. I've heard people talk about the Brixton and Toxteth riots without actually appreciating what happened. Much like 78rpm records.

The thing that angers me most about it is that the original incident was dealt with and could have just as easily faded into news history without a second thought. Then some people took offence at a police Stop & Search, which they are well within their rights to do and madness ensued. The police are getting some bad press at the moment surrounding the hacking scandal, and it's true they've handled things badly in the past (the De Menezes case is just one example, sadly) but the complete lack of respect shown to them by a bunch of badly educated, selfish, mindless idiots is beyond reproach. David Cameron's 'Big Society' is currently laying in smouldering ruins right now.

Watching those cars and buildings burn fiercely on the news, I was filled with disbelief, and disgust and frustration that a country like England has bred animals like this, when the youth of other countries are trying to overcome brutal regimes in a far less rowdy manner, yet you would almost forgive them for doing so. Can you imagine what they would do if Dave and Co tried to disconnect the nation's Internet access like they did in Egypt?

People's livelihood have been destroyed by acts of pure vandalism and criminality with no purpose. To be practical, just think of the Insurance claims that will cost the nation (if I'm not mistaken, the Insurers pay the initial claim, then recover their money from the police, who then recover their outlay from HM Treasury). We're already trying to avoid financial meltdown on the scale of the Eurozone, and this sort of thing can easily tip a country over the edge.

The spread of the trouble across London and then to other cities just shows how pathetic our youth culture is. Jumping on bandwagons (then setting fire to them, probably) and smashing up shops to help themselves to things that don't belong to them does nothing to aid their cause. It speaks volumes that McDonalds, JD Sports and mobile phone shops have taken the brunt of the damage. Then the scummy chavs of Birmingham, who already have a huge chip on their shoulder for only living in the "second city" decide to get in on the act and rampage through the city centre for a bit of Armani gear. You can guarantee that the markets will be awash with knock-off gear in a matter of days. And before you know it, Liverpool, Bristol and Leeds are having a go.

My only hope is that the police are given the support they need from the Government and are able to restore order to our streets. There has been talk of the Army being brought in, but aren't they overstretched as it is? Never-ending wars in Afghanistan, unnecessary air strikes against Libya are already taking up their time, without having to take to the streets of our cities to chase after a bunch of dole scrounging dimwits who when gathered together still don't have the brain power to wipe their own arse. Because, don't forget, our Armed Forces are also feeling the pinch, laying off servicemen and women (for all you PC zealots) so they can work effectively within their budgets.

I do believe I'm done for now. And, if by any chance you've been involved in these disturbances and are having this blog read to you because it contains too many big words for you, I have four words for you (in text lingo, to help): Ure a stupid Cnt.

All You Need Is Love
Shropshire 2011.

Here We Go Again...

So, after a summer of boredom, unfulfilled Tennis dreams and pleasantly surprising Cricket success, this coming Saturday heralds the return of the Football season. Saturday afternoons will have purpose once more, the BBC's Red Button will get plenty of action (subject to bloody BBC cuts) and millions will watch the likes of Gary Pallister, Steve Claridge and Garth Crooks watching games on television and discussing talking points until the cows come home.

And, in true footballing tradition around the world, fans will be scouring the fixture list for nailed-on victories, hopeful away draws and potential banana skins, then casting a wilful glance all the way to May to wonder how it will all turn out...

Well, here's how I think it'll turn out (which basically means everything that follows will be as far off target as an American missile in Iraq).

In the Premier League, the race for the Champions League could be quite a congested affair, but when all is said and done, I think it will be title number twenty for Manchester United. Chelsea and Manchester City will complete the top 3, with Arsenal just beating Liverpool and Tottenham into 4th. Liverpool will take 5th place.
At the bottom, Swansea will make the drop back down, along with Norwich, while after a couple of seasons struggling, Wigan will finally succumb to relegation.

In the Championship, West Ham should do enough to get back up as champions, along with Reading. Cardiff will be doomed to another Play-off appearance, along with Birmingham, Nottingham Forest and Leeds. I'm going for Leeds to make the jump up.
In the Relegation picture, Brighton and Peterborough will go straight back down, joined by Crystal Palace.

Down in League One, after dropping down last season, Sheffield United will go back up as champions, joined by city rivals Wednesday. Colchester, Huddersfield, Charlton and Preston will fight it out in the Play-offs, with Charlton coming out on top.
In the relegation mire, Stevenage and Bury will find the step up too much, and will be joined back in the basement by Walsall and Notts County.

And in the lowest division, League Two, Swindon will be inspired to the title by Paolo Di Canio, followed up by Shrewsbury and Bristol Rovers. In the Play-off picture, Crawley will fight it out with Plymouth, Crewe and Gillingham, with the Football League new boys riding the crest of a financial wave into League One.
At the bottom, Barnet will bid farewell, and it will be a short lived fairy tale for AFC Wimbledon.

Of the Blue Square Premier teams aiming for promotion to the Football League, I think Luton and Lincoln will be celebrating when the season is over.

And there you have it. Either I'll get it slightly right, or badly wrong. Which means that Sheffield Wednesday fans might be better preparing for a relegation battle, and Plymouth supporters had better hope their team survives a whole season with Peter Ridsdale all but confirmed as the new owner!

Feel free to leave your own opinions by the way!

Que Sera Sera etc...

Return of the Top Five

It's been a while, but it's amazing how many things in life can be brought down to a top five... Today, it's my top five favourite Film franchises and my favourite film within that franchise. ('Franchise' is such an American word it's sickening... like using the word 'season' instead of series.)

5) Shrek - In at number five, it's the animated japery of Shrek. The way children's fairy tales have been taken, twisted and then layered with adult humour is genius. Even Mike Myers comedy Scottish accent is funny for no apparent reason. Eddie Murphy gets the hyperactive Donkey act perfectly and Cameron Diaz gets top marks.
My favourite Shrek film - Shrek

4) Harry Potter - The latest in the tradition of 'Good vs Evil' stories has pretty much everything required for success. They're based on hugely successful books and have been adapted pretty well in my opinion. Then you've got the hero at the forefront, but he wouldn't succeed without his sidekicks (the clever one and the funny one). Add in to the mix a bit of adolescent moodiness, hormones and the like and you're left with a film series that will stand the test of time and be passed down to the next generation. Magic!
My favourite Potter film - The Prisoner of Azkaban (for Gary Oldman's performance)

3) Back To The Future - It's difficult to put this at number three, because it's such a brilliant trilogy. Mainly because (at the moment) there has been no attempt to resurrect the series with an unnecessary addition (think Rocky or Indiana Jones). You've got the time travel aspect, crazy Doc Brown ("Great Scott!!") and young Marty McFly who goes backwards and forwards in time, fulfilling every boy's dreams. Plus there is the best scene of the lot when Marty plays 'Johnny B Goode' at his parents' Enchantment Under The Sea dance. Even now, I still think it would be pretty cool to have a DeLorean...
My favourite BTTF film - Back To The Future (for the Johnny B Goode scene)

2) The Godfather - A must for any film lover. A depiction of American Mafia through the ages from the rise of Vito Corleone (portrayed by Robert De Niro in part 2) to the eventual undoing of his youngest son Michael Corleone in part 3. Along the way you get James Caan shot to pieces and Marlon Brando frightening the crap out of a child actor with nothing more than orange peel. Admittedly, in Part 3 you get Pacino's overacting, but it can just be forgiven thanks to the preceeding two films.
My favourite Godfather film - The Godfather (it's just great!)

1) Star Wars - I am of the Star Wars Generation. Therefore nothing will ever beat it. Certainly the original trilogy is untouchable, the prequels a little too reliant on the special effects, but still packed with escapism, excitement and Ewoks... Again, you've got Good vs Evil, the hero with a gift, but still needs help from friends to get by. Acting wise, Mark Hamill's woodenness as Luke Skywalker uncannily transfers to Hayden Christensen as he attempts to act as Anakin Skywalker. Both are overshadowed by fellow actors (Hamill by Ford and Christensen by McGregor) which may explain why neither have really been seen since their Star Wars days. The tone of the series is really set by the opening scene of A New Hope where we see the rebel ship fleeing from the Imperial Star Destroyer that appears, and keeps appearing, slowly eating up the entire screen.

Personally I'm just praying that George Lucas decides to tamper with it one last time to give us Star Wars 3D at the cinema.

My favourite Star Wars film - The Empire Strikes Back (it's dark and it has the unexpected twist at the end)

Could this be the answer?

If you're not a footy fan, or follower, I suggest you have a read of some of my other blog posts, particularly some of the 'Dave' short stories - they're a hoot!

If you are, then read on and see if I've got the answer to the youth development conundrum currently plaguing English Football.

The problem as I see it, is that the Premier League clubs are trying to develop their own talent, but due to the high number of foreign and short term purchases fueled by fear of relegation or failure to secure European football, the youth players are often left languishing in the background, destined for a future at Southend or Walsall. And when the top teams do spy a young star at the lower teams, they usually entice them away for nothing (only to leave them in the reserves and eventually sent to ply their trade at Northampton or Shrewsbury).

So what am I suggesting? It's fairly simple-ish...

1) Take Premier League youth development away from the clubs and centralise it in the new FA place at Burton on Trent. Each team puts an equal amount of cash into the running of it. Then at the beginning of each season, youth graduates are subjected to an NFL-style draft - ie the newly promoted teams get to pick first, and so on until the champions get last pick, and then we go round again until all players have a club.

2) Teams outside of the Premier League remain in charge of their own youth development and if a star is spotted, the Premier League Academy (or whatever you want to call it) buys part ownership of the player (with the source club retaining 50% ownership) and takes them to the Academy. Upon graduation, the source club maintain that 50% stake unless the destination club in the Premier League choose to buy them out, with any fee set by a tribunal (to prevent the big club ripping off the small club, and by the same token, preventing the small club over-inflating the value).



future England star in the making??



3) Like in Amercian Sport, when transfers are negotiated, sometimes terms involve trading of draft picks - so a team could effectively give up their right to an early choice of the young players in order to secure a sought-after player.



At the end of the day, this would prevent the clubs with larger resources from swallowing up all the young stars and leaving them to go stale, it would give the teams that struggle the previous season a chance to catch up for the next season, and more importantly, it would protect the lower league clubs from the vulture-like Premier League scouts out for potential at a cheap price.

That's my 3 step plan to football fairness in England. Who knows, we might even get a decent England team before I die...





Nah...

A plea to any Television Execs out there.

I have been reflecting on my Dave stories, and after careful thought and consideration, I seriously think it could be adapted into a Mr Bean style show. Admittedly it won't be as good as Mr Bean, but I don't mind that.

Or I can just keep writing until I've got enough for a short story collection.

I'm not sure if this is my shortest ever blog post, but there is a point.

Memory Lane...

Now, I'm not really a technology kind of person. You won't find me with an Ipod or an Iphone or an Ipad. Unless I'm in the process of setting fire to the bloody things!

But I feel it is just one of those necessary constants in life to be the owner of a games console. Currently I have a 'games-console-shaped' hole in my life that is just desperate to be filled. I have had them in the past, and enjoyed countless hours playing various games, but circumstances have contrived to give me reason to part with my games consoles over the years. And right now, at this precise moment in time, it is giving me some cause for upset that I can't satisfy my hunger for gaming.

Now that's out of the way, time for a self-indulgent trip down memory lane...





The first games console I ever had was the Sega Game Gear. The creme de la creme of handheld gaming at the time. No rubbishy green-screened Game Boy for me, oh no! Colour all the way. The joys of Super Kick Off 2, upgraded to the more expansive Sensible Soccer as time went on. My 'Wimbledon' tie-in game, Madden NFL (the '95 version). The button pounding Olympics game for Barcelona 1992 is quite an enduring memory for me, mostly because that is the very first game I had for the console, along with the obligatory 'Columns' (Tetris rip-off). One particular Christmas Eve, I so badgered my parents into allowing me a Christmas present to open (just to tide me over until morning) they let me have one present to open, and I tore the paper off to reveal Ecco The Dolphin. Needless to say, I didn't go to bed particularly early that Christmas night, but was still wide awake and bushy tailed at 6 the next morning, much to my parents' dismay!! And I almost forgot my peer pressure-led purchase of Mortal Kombat. It was okay, especially when you'd mastered the death moves. But I don't miss it now.

I loved my Game Gear so much, and got so much play out of it, that when it broke, my parents weren't too happy, but gave into my whining and bought me a replacement. Cue many more years of enjoyment with only one more addition to my game library in the form of PGA Tour Golf as the second console began to wear and get old.

It wasn't until I'd moved out and was living with my soon to be first-wife (at the time - now she's my ex-wife) that I decided the time was right to go back into the gaming world. I bought myself the Sony Playstation One (or Playstation, as it was at the time!) Again, being sporty-minded, I leaned towards Football games, but with two stepdaughters, compromise was needed, hence my collection included a Dancing game. I had Pro Evolution 2 which I upgraded to FIFA03 before the end. Other games that I can remember were Music Manager (a big let down), one of the early Harry Potter games (I think it was Chamber of Secrets, but I'm not sure) and maybe a World Rally Game.

The most recent drain on my free time was the Playstation 2. A straight trade-in to get the bundle with Gran Turismo 3. Over time, I built quite a good collection of games (yes, sport dominated) but it got me through tough times in marriage, a divorce, and lonely times back at my parents house with no job, no money and no girlfriend. Hours were spent on various FIFA versions, F1 2005, Madden NFL 06. I had the Sims game briefly, along with Shark Tale. I'm sure I had others, but my memory has now failed me!!

Now I think about it, I have forgotten something. Back in April this year, I did buy a 'Used' Xbox360 off the GAME website, but that only lasted two days before it fucked up and I had to send it back for a refund.

And now we are back at the present day. I know I want a games console, but don't know what I want. I'm wary of the unreliability of the Xboxes (yes, I'm sure the newer ones are better, but it's alot of money to spend if they're not!), the recent Sony hacking issues have really put me off the PS3 completely. Which leaves me with three options that I can see:

1) the Nintendo Wii - I want to avoid the Wii because I've played on one and it hurts my shoulder with all that arm waving malarkey!

2) the Playstation Portable - it would take me back to my Game Gear days. Except that they cost almost as much as a normal console, so for the money, I may as well get an xBox or something!

3) the Playstation 2 - just put myself back where I was before I had to sell my old one in order to tax my car!

Self-indulgence over. Thank you for reading.