Wednesday, 16 February 2011

More Top Fives

Top Five Driving Moans:
5) Pedestrians that cross the road just yards away from an actual pedestrian crossing. Just a few steps more you lazy buggers!!!
4) Drivers waiting at a junction, seeing the car in front of me turning off, they decide to pull out on me. Then they have the gall to shake their heads at ME(??!!) as I continue on my way, forcing them to stop suddenly with their front end poking out into the flow of traffic.
3) People too impatient to wait their turn. A number of times I've witnessed cars steaming up the inside of a queue of traffic to get to the turning they want - a few of them have had to stop sharpish and rely on other's reluctance to witness a head on collision. And just today, during a busy spell at Tesco's Petrol station in Shrewsbury which I was caught in, about three cars tried to nip in front of me, only to realise why I was waiting patiently - the first pump was coned off. Having lost their place in the queue thanks to their own rash foolishness, they revved their engines in anger and drove off, petrol-less!
2) Drivers at the Level Crossing in Wem. In particular, those that park across the 'Keep Clear' box so that when the gates go up, anyone that wants to turn right can forget it, and so the traffic builds up. Oh and those cars that come up on the wrong side of the road towards the station and turn down Station Road - it's just a matter of time before they meet a car coming the other way.
1) The bus that drives round Wem, dropping people off etc. Well, the beardy driver that cuts me up down Churchill Drive every lunchtime, forcing me on to the pavement. The other day he was stopped in the middle of the road talking to a woman on a bike. He saw me coming and reluctantly tried to move aside. I still came within inches of taking out the woman on the bike. Would have served her right though.


Top Five Literary Characters I've read:
5) Philip Marlowe - Particularly in The Big Sleep. It's been a while since I read the book, but the image of this guy in a mac and trilby has stayed with me ever since.
4) Francis Begbie - Both in Trainspotting and the sequel, Porno. He's just a complete nutter! I think that seeing the film before reading the book has prevented me from making up my own mind about him, as all I can see now is Robert Carlyle. Which doesn't bother me, but that sort of thing I think can sometimes annoy the book purists.
3) The Count of Monte Cristo/Edmond Dantes - The title of the book is obvious. I was first alerted to this book by a scene in The Shawshank Redemption, when they're going through all the books that have been donated to the prison library. One guy mispronounces Dumas' name as 'Dumbass'. It made me chuckle, but I went out and bought the book. A complex character who uses his gained riches to manipulate and play with the lives of people that crossed him and caused his initial imprisonment.
2) Pete Bondurant - Appears in the first two of James Ellroy's 'American Underworld' trilogy - American Tabloid and The Cold Six Thousand. He's a French Canadian hardman working initially for Howard Hughes, then gets caught up in the CIA attempt at the Bay of Pigs, gets sent to run heroin factories in Vietnam and ends up a shell of his former self in the end due to a series of heart attacks. Between the beatings he hands out, there is a soft side to him that he's afraid to show in case others deem it a weakness and try to exploit it.
1) Adrian Mole - The greatest diarist that never lived? I would say so. From humble beginnings aged 13 and 3/4 through puberty, into young adulthood, on into his thirties and now (possibly finally) into his forties. He's had illegitimate children, legitimate ones, failed marriages, accidental engagements, nasty bosses and nice ones. He's seen Thatcher's Britain and Blair's Britain, lived through the Falklands, the Gulf War and Afghanistan. He's survived acne and prostate cancer. All the time, Pandora has been in his life in one way or another.


Top Five Comedy TV Shows as an adult:
5) Friends - I, along with many others, grew up with this show. While it remained funny throughout it's ten year run, in my opinion the first three series were the most consistently funny ones.
4) Family Guy - I only found out about this accidentally one night on BBC3. I watched a few and found I was constantly hurting from laughing. I went on to get season box-sets and subject myself to more pain! Then the Star Wars parodies came and it just got better.
3) Extras - My favourite of Ricky Gervais's comedies. If anything I think sometimes Stephen Merchant steals the show. It's consistent, witty and a damning observation of today's celebrity culture. But hats off to all those who took part and played along. My particular favourite is the one with Kate Winslet.
2) Black Books - I don't think this show ever got the praise it warranted. Three series of brilliant comedy from Moran, Bailey and Greig. I only need suggest you watch the first episode of the first series and you will understand.
1) Father Ted - Pushed all the way by Black Books, but a worthy winner. Proof that British sitcoms usually know when to stop before they get stale. Nothing else needs to be said really.

Stay tuned for more Top Fives in the future.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Top Fives

In true 'Men Behaving Badly' fashion, here's some Top 5 lists I've concocted.

Top 5 Gigs I Can Remember:
5) Cast at Aston University (I think) - This was the first gig I went to with my mates back in 1997-ish. It was after the release of the Mother Nature Calls and I bought myself a T-shirt with the leaf of a 'certain plant' on it. Rebel!!
4) Paul Heaton at Manchester Academy - A gig I went to with my brother in Summer 2009 (?). Most memorable for drinking neat vodka in a bar and then being 'unwell' on the train the next morning. Paul was touring his 'Cross-eyed Rambler' album at the time, proving he can write great music even when people write him off.
3) Oasis at Birmingham NIA - My first live taste of Oasis came as they toured the 'Be Here Now' album. A ridiculously self-indulgent album with the stage set to match! Entering stage via a big red phone box should have set the alarm bells ringing, but I was in awe at seeing the band that inspired me to buy a bass and play it rather badly!
2) Nick Harper at Oswestry Ironworks - This is the first time I saw Nick Harper and I've been hooked ever since. Thanks to Doug for putting me on to this guy because he is a bloody genius! He writes clever, wordy and melodic tunes and is the consummate showman when it comes to live performance. Interaction with the audience is spontaneous and ludicrously funny. I've been since and even managed to exchange a few words. Let's be honest, how many people stand by the door and shake people's hand to thank them for attending?
1) Paul McCartney at Liverpool Albert Dock - Another one to thank, nay, commend my mate Doug Mallett for. He called me up one day in 2002, saying he had a ticket to Paul's gig, was I interested?! I immediately bit his hand off (via the medium of text) much to the annoyance of my now ex-wife (best decision I ever made was going to this gig without her). To this day I'm not sure if I properly took in what was going on, so agog was I! I mean. PAUL McCARTNEY!!!! As a Beatles freak, to see a real live Beatle perform Beatles tracks live is pure heaven. Which is why this is my number one gig.

Top 5 Sporting Events I've been to:
5) Shrewsbury at Wembley for the Autowindscreens Trophy Final 1996 - Went on a bus, saw Shrewsbury play some loan players instead of the regular stalwarts, saw them lose, came home again.
4) American Bowl at Wembley - Washington Redskins against the San Francisco 49ers in 1990 (I think!). My first and so far only taste of live NFL action. For that reason alone, I will always remember it.
3) England at Wembley - a World Cup qualifier at the old Wembley in 1993 against Poland. I went with my brother and my dad. I'd left school early to go 'to the Dentists' and felt no guilt at all. England won 3-0 and all I can remember is being crammed in the exits and getting a whiff of someone else's farts.
2) Shrewsbury at New Wembley - Play-off Final 2007 against Bristol Rovers. The Town had beaten MK Dons in the semis against all odds and got to the new Wembley stadium. Of course, I simply HAD to go. Again to the annoyance of my now ex-wife. Shrewsbury were in front after less than five minutes, but it was downhill from there!! They lost 3-1 and we went home gutted.
1) Shrewsbury beating Everton in the FA Cup - It was January 2004. It was the old Gay Meadow. It was bloody cold. Peter Wilding had little Wayne Rooney in his pocket for the whole game. I was there on my own, the atmosphere was electric and I don't think I've experienced anything quite like it since. A shame that they got beaten by Chelsea live on BBC in the next round and ended up getting relegated out of the Football League for the first time by the end of the season!

Top 5 Films I've seen at the Cinema:
5) Home Alone 2 - I was young, I was with my dad. He fell asleep during the film.
4) Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels - I was older, I could drink alcohol. I went with my brother and felt really grown up. And it's a great film to boot.
3) Megamind 3D - My first taste of 3D cinema. My first visit to the cinema with Eoin. I think it's something he'll cherish for a while, which makes me feel incredibly warm inside. And the film is great too.
2) Star Wars Episode IV (1997 Special Edition) - Just for the goosebumps when the Star Destroyer passes over the camera shot in the opening scene.
1) Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince - Because it's the first enjoyable film I went to see with Marisa. And the only Potter film I've seen at the Cinema without my ex-wife.

So, that's 3 Top Five's, which should keep you busy for now. For those that care, I have decided to continue the legend that is 'Dave'.

Class Dismissed.

Saturday, 5 February 2011

If I ever get the call from Radio 4...

My Desert Island Discs


1) As easy as it would be to just choose eight Beatles albums, that's not playing the game properly really is it? So I'm only going to pick one. And my pick is Revolver. Just for the sheer brilliance of the music spread across 14 tracks. When I listen to the album, it just feels like summer. From the guitar sounds on Taxman, the solemness of For No One and the singalong Yellow Submarine, it just fills me with overwhelming joy.

2) My second choice is Double Life by Nick Harper. It's a double live album and it's absolutely great in my opinion. It's got The Verse Time Forgot (which, for Marisa and I, seems to be "our song"), his live-only covers of Monty Python's Galaxy Song and a Led Zeppelin/Elvis medley, amongst other cleverly written, fantastically performed gems like Aeroplane, and a fifteen minute behemoth of a song including a bit where he breaks a guitar string and fixes it whilst continuing the song without missing a beat!

3) Thirdly, it's Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys. Another album that conjures up visions of summer and feeling good. And those harmonies!! Puts today's so-called "vocal groups" to shame. From Sloop John B to God Only Knows via my personal favourite on the album, I Know There's An Answer (Apparently, Brian Wilson originally called it Hang On To Your Ego, but they felt it was a bit too 'heavy' for the Beach Boys image and changed it to something more easy on the ear!)

4) Next, it's Oasis' debut album, Definitely Maybe. I can strut up and down the deserted island with my air guitar, pretending to be a Rock'n'Roll Star. Then, I can keep my spirits up by shouting that I'll Live Forever. Then I can just Slide Away. I don't think Oasis ever improved on this album, and as it was the soundtrack to my youth, it's simply got to be on the list.

5) Fifth on the list, I think would be the Beautiful South's greatest hits album Solid Bronze. Paul Heaton is a good songwriter who often gets overlooked. Let's not forget, A Little Time was a number one song. Then there's Perfect 10, Song For Whoever, Blackbird On The Wire and lots lots more to keep me singing along. (I'm on a desert island, I can sing as badly as I want and no one will ever hear me!)

6) Number six is a bit different. It's Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys. It's like one long medley from start to finish, heavy on samples, but very well done, and not like the 'subtlety of a flamethrower' of today's attempts. (Yes, you, I'm talking to you Black Eyed Peas. It's not a sample of the Dirty Dancing song, it's just a bloody travesty of a rip-off. Oh, and it's a bit shit too by the way.) Johnny R'yall is my particular favourite on the album.

7) Almost there, now. My penultimate choice is Highway 61 Revisited by Bob Dylan. He'd pissed off half his fans by 'going electric' and moving away from the political comment and protest songs that people had got used to, and began writing more social observations. Like A Rolling Stone is bloody brilliant, as is the rambling Tombstone Blues, and the slightly funereal Ballad Of A Thin Man.

8) Finally, I'm going to try and sneak in Motown Gold - a triple album of Motown greats from the likes of Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, the Supremes and Smokey Robinson. This needs no justification on my part, so I'm going to leave it at that.

So that is that. If I'm ever unlucky enough to get trapped on a desert island without a volleyball as a companion, those are the eight albums I'm relying on to keep me sane until rescue.

Over and out. You can go and listen to the albums yourself now, and, like me, bask in their individual brilliance.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Auf Widersehen January, Hallo February!

So the most depressing month of the year is over (you know - Christmas is long gone, but you're still counting the cost of it on your wallet and waistline) and we're now into February which is the shortest month (and shortest wait for a pay day!)
What a January we've had!!! Floods causing death and destruction in Australia and Brazil, political mayhem in Tunisia, Yemen and now Egypt, ridiculous amounts of money passing between football clubs for players, and lots more besides.
It makes me wonder what February might hold in store. So, here's my attempt at being Nostradamus:

1) Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats to publicy acknowledge the fact that they are dancing with the Devil. Let's be honest, if David Cameron and his guffawing lackeys screw up the country as they probably will, the LibDems will lose all credibility as a '3rd option'. The fact that voting reform has been stuffed in the tatty filing cabinet of political importance says it all...

2) Premier League footballers will have a sudden epiphany and demand wage cuts, insisting that the money be invested in the local community that supports and sustains their lavish existence. Expect to see the Manchester City boys organising anti-crime events in Moss Side, Wayne Rooney running Meals on Wheels (anything to get at those glamorous Grannies eh Wayne?) and Ashley Cole serving soup to the homeless of London...

3) Just as we all think 'The Kings Speech' has sewn up the Oscars, BAFTA's etc, some shitty American film (read The Social Network) swoops from nowhere and causes Colin Firth's polite British smile to turn into a British villain's sneer, and the nation gasps incredulously muttering "we thought it was in the bag..."

4) On the eve of the Brit Awards, organisers cancel the event, with a spokesman stating: "We had a think and to be honest, there's nothing worth celebrating really. It's all a bit shit, to be honest. Sorry folks!" Tinie Tempah cries into his alcopop, and James Corden angrily scrubs it out of his diary. Boo fucking Hoo.

5) The people who classify DVD releases decide to ban all 'celebrity' (in the loosest possible terms these days) fitness DVD's. I mean come on... it's not rocket science is it? Put the cake down and go for a walk!!! Ffs. I'm thinking about going public with my own offering, and may even call it "Put the cake down and go for a walk". I think it has legs...

Anyway, that's all for now folks, hope you enjoyed my predictions and in the meantime, I'll be getting on with my life.

Stay Classy!

Monday, 24 January 2011

Happy New Year


proudly displaying my allegiance

Well, time for my first post of 2011. And as it just happens to coincide with the start of the Superbowl build up, that is the subject of this inaugural 2011 blog post.

Now American Football isn't for everyone I'll admit - the stop-start nature of the play, the padding, the fact that the British didn't invent it and aren't very good at it - but me, I love it!

My interest in the NFL dates back to the mid-80's when as a 6 or 7 year old, I got caught up in the whole thing along with my brother and cousins. I can't even remember how we caught the NFL bug, but we each had our own teams to follow (with replica shirt to boot): Pittsburgh Steelers for me, Miami Dolphins for brother James, cousin Will went for the San Francisco 49ers and cousin Katie plumped for the Chicago Bears if I remember correctly.

Quick mid-post quiz: Match these players with the four aforementioned teams (I know participation will be zero, but I'm trying!)


Louis Lipps                                       Dan Marino
Walter Payton                                   Jerry Rice
William 'The Refrigerator' Perry     Mark Malone
Joe Montana                                    Mark 'Super' Duper

 
Anyway, back to the reminiscing. Sunday nights were NFL highlights night - 30 minutes of crunching tackles, big game highlights and discussions hosted by Mick Luckhurst to the sound track of 'Two Tribes' by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

The NFL was big news for a good couple of years, I even got to go to Wembley Stadium to see a live game between the 49ers and the Washington Redskins. Then, for some reason things went quiet - highlights were pushed to late nights on various nights, then coverage was even better hidden to the extent that it was barely on at all. Then it got a minor renaissance on Channel 5 before ITV picked up on it and screened a couple of Superbowls hosted by Gabby Logan with Martin Johnson of all people giving his opinion!!

Then, once the BBC picked up the Superbowl and the NFL decided to bring a regular season game to the newly re-built Wembley Stadium, the whole thing seems to be kicking off again. And I'm bloody glad because it's also becoming more easily accessible.

As for me and my team, the Steelers have a great history. Four Superbowl wins in the 70's was followed by a bleak period in the 80's (and yet I still happily supported them) and then recovery in the 90's building towards their current status as the most successful franchise in Superbowl history - 6 victories to date and now on the verge of a 7th if they can get past the Green Bay Packers. I can even tie in their last Superbowl victory in 2009 with my first meeting with Marisa - I'd gone down to Cornwall for the weekend and met her on the Sunday afternoon, and sat in bed on the Sunday night watching the Steelers beat the Arizona Cardinals 27-23 before travelling back up to Shropshire on the Monday morning.

I've watched quite a few Superbowls in my time, the first one being Superbowl XXI when the New York Giants beat the Denver Broncos, I've missed a few in the meantime when terrestrial TV ignored the game, and then have seen them all since it returned on ITV. Usually I had to settle for highlights shown a few days after the actual game, or more recently getting my dad to video the game and going round after work to watch it (fast forwarding through the breaks in play). This year I've asked James to Sky+ it for me, but God only knows when I'll get to see it!!
GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!


Quiz Answers: Joe Montana & Jerry Rice played for the 49ers, Louis Lipps and Mark Malone played for the Steelers, Walter Payton and William 'The Refrigerator' Perry were Bears players, and Dan Marino and Mark 'Super' Duper were Dolphins players.