Movie Mash ups

You know how it goes... you text a friend to see how they enjoyed the Gadget Show Live, you talk about stuff, and the next thing you're complaining about silly films and how cool it would be to be a movie executive going to high-powered meetings, being paid a fortune to come up with all sorts of crap ideas for the next big film. Well, such a discussion took place over the course of today between myself and my old mucker, Dale. To follow is a list of what we came up with...

1) Trainspotting meets Four Weddings And A Funeral - Hugh Grant falls in love with heroin.
2) High School Musical meets Final Destination.
3) The Godfather meets Sex and The City.
4) War of The Worlds meets Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
5) Forrest Gump meets the Bourne series - "Life is like a box of faked passports, you never know which one is yours".
6) The Addams Family meets Raiders of The Lost Ark.
7) The Mummy meets Daddy Daycare - Eddie Murphy gets into all kinds of scrapes looking after a bunch of murderous preserved dead Egyptians.
8) Stuart Little meets Starship Troopers - Small mouse finds a new family with a barely trained bunch of marines whilst battling giant bugs.
9) The Graduate meets Godzilla - A young University graduate is seduced by an older lizard, but falls for the daughter.
10) Fantasia meets Nightmare on Elm Street - Mickey Mouse defends himself against dancing pink elephant dream demons.
11) Groundhog Day meets Jurassic Park - A bunch of people are terrorised by genetically reconstructed dinosaurs day after day after day after day...
12) The Nutty Professor meets Titanic - A shy fat professor drinks a formula that turns him into a manic Leonardo Di Caprio and steers the ship into an iceberg.
13) The Terminator meets American Pie - a cyborg arrives from the future to kill 4 high school buddies before they can lose their virginity.

14) Alien meets Look Who's Talking - A baby xenomorph thinks how weird life is as it stalks its way around a spaceship, killing the crew.

15) Home Alone meets The Eagle Has Landed - a small kid has to thwart a band of german soldiers posing as robbers.

16) Mad Max meets Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Two children and their mother meet an angry inventor with a flying/floating car in a post-apocalyptic world.

17) Robocop meets Doctor Doolittle - A cop is brought back to life as a cyborg and finds he can talk to animals. A hamster helps him track down his murderer.

And there you have it, the best part of a day's work. If you have more that you can think of, feel free to leave your ideas in a comment, because deep down, there's a movie executive in all of us!

Albums You Should Own Part 5

Hello all, and welcome to part five of my guide to having a great record collection. Now, up until now, it's been straightforward and fairly obvious. This time though, my choice may split the audience. I'm fine with that, because if we were all the same, life would be dull and tedious, much like most of the music in the charts right now.

Definitely Maybe by Oasis

Released at the end of August 1994, Oasis' debut album marked the beginning of the so-called 'Britpop' era. Liam and Noel Gallagher burst on to the scene as two mouthy Mancs who had alot of self belief and weren't afraid to tell people about it.

And to be fair, kicking off your debut album with a song like 'Rock And Roll Star' goes a long way to backing it up. It's loud, it's proud and it signals intent. Tonight and from now on, they really were Rock and Roll Stars, and they were going to live up to it!

The lesser songs on the album, 'Up In The Sky', 'Columbia', 'Bring It On Down' and 'Digsy's Dinner' may not keep up the quality, but they were and remain solid yet unspectacular, which can be said of many other bands' album tracks.

Of the songs that were released as singles, 'Shakermaker' is probably the weakest, with the melody unashamedly 'borrowed' from the New Searchers song 'I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing', so much so, that Oasis' own tribute band, No Way Sis released the latter as a single. 'Live Forever' is at the other end of the scale, a top class track, conceived by Noel as an antidote to all the self-harm grunge nonsense that was entertaining the British teenager thanks to Nirvana and the like. (Personally, I never saw the appeal of all that - I still haven't listened to every track on Nevermind. And I don't really foresee myself ever actually doing so).

In the middle, there's 'Cigarettes And Alcohol', another case of Noel lifting riffs or melodies from other songs, this time 'Get It On' by T Rex. The only thing is, it damn well works. The thundering guitar riff that ties the whole song together, along with Liam and his word pronunciation (or pronuncia-shiun as Liam would say). And of course, the song that launched them in the first place. The drumbeat, the sound of the plectrum running up the guitar string, and the opening lyric "I need to be myself, I can't be no one else, I'm feeling Supersonic, give me Gin and Tonic." (Just in case you're still not quite sure, it's called 'Supersonic' by the way.)

The last song of note on the album is 'Slide Away', the first attempt by Noel to write a love song. For me, it works well, sitting comfortably along the rest of the album, and standing above some of the later efforts, but that's another conversation.

But actually, that's technically not all, because if you had the vinyl release of 'Definitely Maybe', you would also know the extra track, 'Sad Song'. Certainly a hidden gem, the best version of the song is probably on a Noel Gallagher live performance given at the Teenage Cancer Trust gig and included on a CD given away free with a newspaper.

So, that's 'Definitely Maybe'. One of the best debut albums? Maybe. An album that inspired millions of teenagers and kids to pick up a guitar and play music? Definitely.

Albums You Should Own Part 4

After another random interval, I'm back with the fourth instalment of my suggestions for the perfect record collection. If you stick with me, by the time I'm done, your collection could be as good as mine. No, really, it's possible! If the previous offerings made you think I was well and truly stuck in the 60's or 70's, well, now I'll prove there's more to me than that. Not much more, but a little more. Enough waffling, let's get down to business.

Thriller by Michael Jackson
Released in 1982, as the follow up to 'Off The Wall', this album is widely considered to be one of the best albums of modern times. The production by Quincy Jones certainly plays a huge part in the feeling and sound of the songs, and shouldn't be underestimated. With unbridled success worldwide, the album spawned 7 (count 'em) singles, which leaves just 2 "album tracks", which is fairly unusual to be honest. In my opinion there are three reasons why this album is a 'must-have'.

Number one is the song 'Thriller' - possibly one of the most iconic songs of the last 50 years of popular music. Take the video out of the equation, the song stands on its own. From that bass line to the howling wolf sound effects, with the intro building to the synthesised brass sound, and the spoken word ending, voiced by horror legend Vincent Price. All squeezed into six minutes of timeless pop.

Reason number two is 'Beat It'. The intro ambles along until the guitar riff kicks in. It's a harsh, manufactured sound, but it ties the song together and it works. And then, from nowhere, comes the guitar solo. And the man who provides it? Eddie Van Halen. If you don't know, then it's just another solo. But once armed with the information, you can go back and listen to it, and it all makes sense. A typical Van Halen sounding guitar solo, am I wrong?

The third reason is 'Billie Jean'. When you've listened to this song, you can see how he ended up at 'Bad'. The vocal styling was beginning to emerge, with the "he he's" and the "whoo's" and the slight funk-style instrumental arrangements. Apparently written about an experience he had whereby a deranged female (obviously!) fan wrote to him claiming he had fathered a child. Hence the line "but the kid is not my son."

You'd be hard pushed to find an artist these days with three tracks of such impeccable quality on the same album (and greatest hits don't count). And I haven't even mentioned 'Wanna Be Startin Somethin' or 'PYT (Pretty Young Thing)'. I will just mention the cringe-worthy duet with Paul McCartney, 'The Girl Is Mine'. Oh, it's so, so cringe-worthy! The song isn't that bad, it's the chatty interchange between them both that does it. And another thing to note, this meeting sowed the seeds that resulted in Michael Jackson controlling the publishing rights to the Beatles catalogue.

So, whilst many find it hard to see past the controversy and mystery that surrounded his later life and ultimate death at the age of 50, if you seal yourself off from all that, and just listen to the craft contained in this album, you will agree that you have missed out by not having this album in your collection. And don't forget that album cover - another iconic image that has been mimicked and parodied time and time again (Ricky Gervais on the cover of his 'Animals' DVD is one example that springs to mind).

Albums You Should Own Part 3

A warm welcome to the third instalment of my series that aims to help you add some top quality music to your record collection. And I mean collection, in a physical form. It's all well and good simply downloading music straight to your iPod or PC, but in my opinion, there's still a little bit of added 'cool' when you actually have the album, along with the cover and any notes etc. Something to read on the bus or train back from town, building the anticipation to a point where all you want to do when you get home is head straight for the stereo and whack on your new purchase. Ask your parents/grandparents about the wonder that was vinyl(raise the subject tactfully though, don't just go up to grandad and say "you're old, tell me about those big black round things"), and they'll no doubt go all misty-eyed and drift away on a sea of rose-tinted reminiscence. But anyway, on to the latest classic album that you simply MUST have:

Let It Bleed by The Rolling Stones
Released in 1969, this is the last Stones album to feature the late Brian Jones before his final swim in July of the same year.
The album kicks off with the classic 'Gimme Shelter', easily one of the best songs written by the Jagger/Richards partnership to date. It has a sort of echoey distance about it, perhaps summing up the mood of the times, after the 'Summer of Love' in '67 and the widespread riots in '68, the world was in a dark place.
From there, you get the country blues sound of 'Country Honk' a country re-working of 'Honky Tonk Women', which, while being essentially the same song, has it's own charm.

The second side opens with another rumbling monster of a song, 'Midnight Rambler'. Again, it seems to have that distant, menacing ambience to the recording, similar to 'Gimme Shelter'. As the album draws to a close, 'Monkey Man' is a standard rock song featuring Mick Jagger screaming "I'm a monkey" (has a truer word ever been spoken?!) and 'You Can't Always Get What You Want', a choral-led intro which moves into a good old lighter-aloft sing along to close the album.

The album cover itself is quite a work of art. Items layered on top like a cake, with an actual cake topping featuring figures of the band. According to the Wikipedia page, the real cake parts were prepared by a then unknown food writer called Delia Smith. But whether that's actually true or not, only she knows!!

Well, that's that then. One more classic album to add to your collection. By the time I'm finished with you, you'll be the envy of all your friends. Either that, or you'll get bullied for not having downloaded the latest Tinny Temper crap. Can you believe he's never been to Scunthorpe??!!!!

Adios music fans. Until next time.

Albums You Should Own Part 2

Welcome to the second in my series of completely biased opinions aimed at persuading you to put down that Nintendo DS, pack away that iPad, and get out there to your local record shop.

Four Symbols/IV by Led Zeppelin
It's difficult to pick out just one album by Led Zeppelin. They've all got oodles of class. But I tried, and this is my recommendation to you.

It kicks off with 'Black Dog', a monster of an opening track with the silence of expectation shattered by Robert Plant screaming "Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove." Then the guitar riff kicks in and it's rock heaven from then on in, until the end of 'When The Levee Breaks' which is leant an aura of menace thanks to John Bonham's pounding drum beat.

And in between, you've got rock gems like 'Rock And Roll', and then the complete detour into Folk territory that is 'Going To California'. Not forgetting a track that some people will know, and others that don't know, well you bloody well should do! 'Stairway To Heaven' is probably the one Led Zep track that anyone with half a brain could name if push came to shove. The spiralling guitar picking intro, the mystical, fairytale style lyrics, and then Jimmy Page takes over, weaving a kind of guitar magic that only he seems capable of.

With all that to think about, it may come as a complication to you, as you scan the racks in the shop, that this particular record doesn't have a title as such. That's right. No title. The album cover contains no information whatsoever. So, take a look at the picture on this blog, consign it to memory and then set out. Or, be a cocky swine and read this blog on your iPhone, Blackberry or other smartphone whilst you are looking through the CD racks. Whatever you do, just find it, pick it up, pay for it (obviously! I'm not going to advocate shoplifting) and go home. Then, once you've listened to it all the way through, you can leave a comment telling me how right I was!