Wilkommen in Osterreich!

I've just come back from my first proper visit to Austria to see my girlfriend's family. Ten days, which included a Wedding, and some sightseeing in the local area. I'd been before last year, but it was a fleeting visit for my son's Christening (he's a Catholic, you know!).

This time it was a good, proper experience. The village of St Marein bei Graz is reasonably sized, hard to think of a comparable place from my experience, but I'm told it's bigger than Shawbury! It's in the area of Austria known as Styria (or Steiermark to the locals) and Mein Gott it's a fantastic place! It's green, hilly, and has a character of it's own - just driving down the road (which is on the wrong side, I may add) I could see loads of chopped up wood on the side of the road (in England it would probably have been nicked by now!), no hedges obscuring the wonderful view, and every restaurant seemingly signposted from the road. It may just be my holiday high, but on arriving back in England, everything just looked dull and grey. Admittedly I was landing in Manchester, but still...

So, the Wedding build up was beyond me, but being one of the witnesses, I was playing a pretty big part on the day. And the day dawned bloody hot! Luckily I'd gone for a collarless shirt/blue suit combo, so was able to keep fairly cool. After I'd tied the groom's tie (no, really) and taken possession of the rings (eeek!) I joined the rest of the guests at the local for a pre-wedding tipple. Again, most of the conversation was way over my head, but I took it all in, chatted to a few people, just getting by on what German I'd managed to drag back from the far reaches of my memory and waited. The heat was slowly turning up, and eventually it was time for the walk to the Registry office (still with the rings). The ceremony was again a challenge for my German understanding, but knowing it was a Wedding ceremony meant I had a pretty good idea what was going on!

Ceremony over, pictures over, time to return to the local! After consuming a quick shot of Hazelnut schnapps (yum), I resumed my 'Englishman in Austria' persona. Finally it was time for the bus to the reception and food! The thing I've discovered about Austrians - they like to eat, and they like to drink. Quite a lot of them also like to smoke. So, after consuming more food, and plenty of drink, doing plenty of dancing (apparently impressing some despite the fact I really have little rhythm in my body) the night was over and the holiday itself was just beginning.

Sunday was really just a recovery day, so Monday was the starting point. We went to a castle, saw a Bird of Prey thing (I nearly had my head taken off by an owl). Then the rest of the week saw trips to Slovenia, Hungary and then up a really high hill.

I have to say, there were times I missed England, but on returning, I can't wait to go back for my next fix...

It's a bit of a sketchy account of my time there, but it's been so long since I posted, or written anything, my writing craft has suffered. Or I could blame the Puntigamer I drank over the last ten days or so!!!

A Half Century of Blog Posts

So, I've reached 50. The big Five-Oh. So, I thought I should mark it in some way. How about I list 50 things you may or may not know about me (don't go getting your hopes up, there'll be nothing to enable identity theft or any blackmail opportunities).

So, here we go:

Anderson tartan

1) My middle name is Anderson. This harks back to Scottish ancestry in my family, and we have our own tartan.

2) I once had a minor addiction to Refreshers.

3) I only started liking the Beatles after I watched the Anthology series in 1996.

4) I bloody love Star Wars, but am not fussed about the other Sci-Fi/Fantasy stuff that's about.

5) I have read and own every Adrian Mole book.

6) I have always voted Liberal Democrat.

7) I currently don't own a games console.

8) At some point I hope to have a daughter. I've already got two male heirs to continue the bloodline.

9) I've never watched a film "because it won awards". In fact it usually makes me NOT want to watch a film.
10) I'm a little afraid about growing old.
11) I can hold on to pointless knowledge, but forget what I had for tea a few days before.
12) I now regret not holding on to my eldest son when my ex-wife handed him to me on a plate.
13) I always look for the good in people. Sometimes I really have to try very hard.
14) I've always harboured dreams of being a writer in some capacity. Even when my careers advisor effectively laughed at me.
15) I've tried other jobs, but Insurance just seems to come naturally...
16) I want to visit the USA.
17) I don't make friends easily, but when I do, it's usually long lasting. Ask Messrs Heath, Mallett, Shepherd, Holland and Sherriff.
18) I do intend to get married just one more time.
19) I don't mind being on my own, but I hate being alone. There is a difference.
20) I've never seen a dead body. When my grandpa died, people thought it might be a good idea to see him in the chapel of rest, but I point blank refused.
21) I absolutely hate all Apple Inc products - iPhone, iPad etc... overblown pieces of junk.
22) I also despise Rupert Murdoch and all he stands for.
23) I sometimes watch CBeebies for my own entertainment.
24) I like a good jigsaw. Puzzle, not woodwork tool!
25) I don't like Horror films. What's the point of being scared half to death?
26) I would be good to have on your Pub Quiz team.

I've never been here

27) I've never been to London to do the touristy things.

28) I once sat on a bee in my parents garden. My arse was so sore I couldn't ride a bike for days. I couldn't ride it anyway, but that's not the point!

29) I've always felt guilty for not inviting my friends to my wedding. I justified it by saying it was a small family affair. The truth is, she had no friends, so it would have looked lopsided. Sorry fellas!

30) I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.

31) I passed my driving test on the fourth go.

32) I'm crap at drawing.
33) I have my girlfriend in stitches with my Pope Benedict XVI impression.
34) I only started growing sideburns after I seperated from my ex-wife. She always said they looked stupid.
35) I think the footballer Robbie Fowler is a legend.
36) When Michael Thomas scored the Arsenal goal that won them the title in 1989, I ran into my room and cried for about an hour.
37) Princess Diana's death meant nothing to me.
38) I took my time getting into Harry Potter.
39) I like a nice Gin and Tonic to drink.
40) I once wrote a letter to a girl I liked. And didn't follow it up. Oops!
41) I'm not really a garden person.
42) I think of myself as a creator, not a worker. Others call me a lazy bastard who doesn't like getting his hands dirty!

Dusseldorf Airport - scene of my 30th birthday

43) I intend to celebrate my 40th birthday in style, having spent my 30th birthday on various aeroplanes and in various airports on my way home from Austria.

44) I can be quite indecisive at times. Or can I?

45) I used to have a violin bass like Paul McCartney. Sadly I couldn't play it like he did.

46) I have an album recorded by a band I was in. There was a photoshoot in my parents garden, but I've never seen the resulting pictures.

47) I'm a dog person. I just think cats look evil, and they crap in other people's garden (usually mine!)

48) I like to read about History. I wish I'd done a degree now.

49) I limit my coffee intake to no more than three a day, otherwise I'll never get to sleep.

50) I really hate dancing. Because I can't. I look like a carrot having a funny turn.

And there you have it. Fifty things about me. I'm not sure if I'll repeat this idea for my 100th post. I'll probably do something completely different.

And so begins the final act...

So here we are, about to enter the final month of the football season. Fans up and down the country are gearing up for one last push for promotion, a play-off place, or the lucky few, a division title. Or, dare I say it, fearing relegation, determined to fight it off, or for some, already preparing for next season in a lower division. In the Money-Bags Premier League, with a little further to go, there are plenty of battles still to be fought. So follows my predictions for the final shake-up in English football and beyond:

Starting at the bottom of the pile, in League Two.
Champions: Chesterfield. They have led for so long now, and although they've seen a substantial lead wither away, I think they'll have too much pride to let the title slip away.
Promoted: Bury & Wycombe. Bury have had a great spell over the past few weeks, catching Chesterfield, beating them on Easter Monday, but I think they will just fall short of the title, while Wycombe have been up and down like a yo-yo battling for the final automatic promotion place. I think a win for Wycombe this afternoon will be the deciding factor.
Play-offs: Shrewsbury, Accrington, Torquay & Gillingham.
Play-off Winners: Shrewsbury. Having been pre-season favourites again for some success, yet again Shrewsbury have failed to show the consistency that would earn them an easy automatic promotion. Previous play-off campaigns have ended in heartbreak at Wembley, but with this seasons final at Old Trafford, the pressure is off, there won't be the awe that comes with playing at Wembley. Which is why I'm tipping them to finally prevail.
Relegated: Stockport & Northampton. Stockport are already as good as relegated before today's games as they are 6 points adrift with 2 games to play, and have a far inferior goal difference. I'm tipping Northampton to join them in the Blue Square Premier next year as they are just not doing anything, while Barnet have sprung into life and are on a roll.

On to League One.
Champions: Brighton. Already crowned Champions, Brighton have been by far the best team in the division this season. They will be playing Championship football in their shiny new stadium next season.
Promoted: Southampton. The Saints have finally come good after sinking to their lowest point a couple of seasons ago. They've been involved in quite a battle, but I feel their pedigree will carry them up.
Play-offs: Huddersfield, Peterborough, MK Dons & Bournemouth.
Play-off Winners: Huddersfield. I'm going for the Terriers to succeed. They will only just miss out on automatic promotion and this will spur them on. Lee Clark has kept his team fighting all the way, and they'll get their reward with a return to the Championship.
Relegated: Swindon, Plymouth, Bristol Rovers & Walsall. Swindon are already down, Plymouth have battled back after losing 10 points for their financial troubles but it'll be too much for them. Bristol Rovers have two tough games left, and I can't see them getting anything, and Walsall will slip down at the last minute after a season of struggle.

Up to the Championship now, and the fight to reach the big time.
Champions: QPR. They have led for virtually the entire season, and will get the points on the board to finish first. However, with the current uncertainty surrounding them and a breach of rules on Third party player ownership, whether they are allowed to make the step up into the Premier League is still in the balance.
Promoted: Norwich. It's a tough one to call, but I think their late winner against Derby last week will boost their confidence for the final run-in.
Play-offs: Cardiff, Swansea, Reading & Nottingham Forest.
Play-off Winners: Cardiff. After countless promotion chasing seasons and subsequent play-off disappointments, this is the year they finally break their jinx and hit the big time. They've got the players to do it, and also the experience of failure to give them the extra desire to finally succeed and take their place at the top table.
Relegated: Preston, Scunthorpe & Sheffield United. Preston are already down before kick-off today, and inferior goal differences have all but condemned Scunny and Sheffield United to join them, as they are both 6 points back with only 6 to play for.

And so we come to the Premier League. Where dreams allegedly come true and the best players in the world apparently ply their trade.
Champions: Manchester United. A record-breaking 19th title awaits this bunch of flukey, jammy, fortunate but somehow still successful lot. Deserving? Perhaps not as I think they've just not been as bad as the chasing pack. Some will argue that it's been the closest and best season so far. That maybe the case, but I think last season was better, and next season will also eclipse this one.
Champions League: Chelsea, Arsenal & Manchester City. Chelsea and Arsenal are only one win away from guaranteeing it, while City are bringing up the rear. They may have the distraction of a Cup Final, but with a decent 4 point gap and potentially an easier game than their rivals this weekend, that should do it.
Europa League: Tottenham. The top four is just tantalisingly out of reach for them this time round. But to maintain a top four challenge whilst making the Champions League quarter-finals in their first year takes some guts and quality. They are just a dependable goalkeeper away from another top four finish. Assuming they can keep their stars.
Relegated: West Ham, Wolves & Blackpool. This has been the closest relegation scrap for some time. At the time of writing only 10 points separate the bottom 12 teams. However, someone has to go and for me it looks like West Ham will be one after a season of struggle. Wolves will join them after a poor recent run looks to have drained them of confidence and fight. Finally, after a season of unprecidented success (a double over Liverpool for starters) and much entertainment from manager Ian Holloway, Blackpool look to have dipped at the wrong time, they can't get a win for love nor money (a vital commodity in this league) and with others picking up the odd point here and there around them, it looks likely to be goodnight from them.

Elsewhere, there are cups still up for grabs involving English teams:
FA Cup: Manchester City. The blues will finally end their long wait for some silverware at the expense of gallant losers Stoke. Not the final many envisaged, but it certainly gives teams hope to have seen only one of the so-called Big Four even reach the semi-finals.

Champions League: Barcelona. After the respective first leg results, both Barca and Manchester United look odds on to meet again at Wembley. There will be no fairy tale win for Sir Alex this year either, as Barcelona on a bad day could still run rings around this current United side, even with Rooney. Lionel Messi looks untouchable, David Villa looks to be almost slacking in comparison. Xavi and Iniesta are still their imperious selves, and Pique and Puyol have continued to dominate their opponents. The only question for me is how many they'll win by.

And so ends my attempt at clairvoyance. I'll either be proved right or will have to smash up my crystal ball in anger and disappointment. But one thing's for sure, as a Shrewsbury fan, my heart is yearning for automatic promotion for two reasons. Firstly to prevent the nervy down to the wire nature of the play-offs. Secondly so I can head off to Austria in May already knowing that League One beckons.

Ta ta then.

Albums You Should Own Part 6

And welcome back for the sixth instalment of my guide to a record collection to make your friends jealous. Now we've entered the digital age, it's becoming rarer for people to actually own a physical record or CD. It's great for cutting down on storage (you can hear the designers at Ikea crying over their funky, stylish but practical drawing boards) but, let's be honest, it's screwing the record shops. The independents are all but gone, and even the bigger fish have suffered. Hands up who remembers Our Price?

The latest offering takes us back to the late Seventies...

The Specials by The Specials
Released in late 1979, this debut album by The Specials was produced by Elvis Costello and released on the 2 Tone label which is known for it's Ska output including briefly Madness and other British Ska revival bands. Whilst not exactly 'new' music, it brought Jamaican Ska (dating back to the late fifties and into the sixties) to a fresh audience. With songs describing desolate, rough and tumble inner-city life, it appealed to a new breed of people - skinheads, mods and created the 'Rude Boy'.

This album kicks off with 'A Message To You Rudy', a brass led romp that harks back to the Caribbean music that spawned this British genre. The other songs of note on this album are 'Nite Klub'; 'Too Much Too Young', a song that should be played to all teenagers as a warning against youthful bedroom antics; 'Stupid Marriage' a tale of a man found guilty of smashing his ex-girlfriend's window. The story is told using Judge Roughneck as a judge summarising the case, and Terry Hall as the defendant who explains his actions. The refrain of "Naked woman, naked man" runs through the song with variations. The song closes with the judge yelling "Take him away!"

My particular favourites on the album are 'Blank Expression' and 'You're Wondering Now'. 'Blank Expression' isn't a particularly deep song, but it is certainly expressive, with the repetition of the line: "Where did you get that (BLANK) blank expression on your face?" It's easy to sing along to, and it has that characteristic Ska guitar sound. 'You're Wondering Now' is a melancholic ending to the album which is fast paced in places, contains social comment in others (particularly 'Doesn't Make It Alright') and takes you through a tour of how the youth were living at the time (Thatcher had just come to power and was doing things her way). The closing refrain of "You're wondering now, what to do, now you know this is the end" may sum up the listeners possible feelings as the album ends, but it's also a message to someone who has done some wrong and is wondering how they will pay for their misdemeanor, the writer of the song confirms that they will be on their own, and as the backing fades out, leaving just the vocals, you get the feeling that maybe it really is the end...

That's it then, an album of it's time. When musicians had something to rally against. Not like these days, where all people tend to write about it their 'bitches', 'bling' and doing stuff with their man/woman. So, after you've listened to this album, you can go and buy yourself a porkpie hat, some shades and become a rude boy in the 21st Century. You may potentially be laughed at, but let's be honest, people tend to make fun of what they don't understand.

Movie Mash ups

You know how it goes... you text a friend to see how they enjoyed the Gadget Show Live, you talk about stuff, and the next thing you're complaining about silly films and how cool it would be to be a movie executive going to high-powered meetings, being paid a fortune to come up with all sorts of crap ideas for the next big film. Well, such a discussion took place over the course of today between myself and my old mucker, Dale. To follow is a list of what we came up with...

1) Trainspotting meets Four Weddings And A Funeral - Hugh Grant falls in love with heroin.
2) High School Musical meets Final Destination.
3) The Godfather meets Sex and The City.
4) War of The Worlds meets Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
5) Forrest Gump meets the Bourne series - "Life is like a box of faked passports, you never know which one is yours".
6) The Addams Family meets Raiders of The Lost Ark.
7) The Mummy meets Daddy Daycare - Eddie Murphy gets into all kinds of scrapes looking after a bunch of murderous preserved dead Egyptians.
8) Stuart Little meets Starship Troopers - Small mouse finds a new family with a barely trained bunch of marines whilst battling giant bugs.
9) The Graduate meets Godzilla - A young University graduate is seduced by an older lizard, but falls for the daughter.
10) Fantasia meets Nightmare on Elm Street - Mickey Mouse defends himself against dancing pink elephant dream demons.
11) Groundhog Day meets Jurassic Park - A bunch of people are terrorised by genetically reconstructed dinosaurs day after day after day after day...
12) The Nutty Professor meets Titanic - A shy fat professor drinks a formula that turns him into a manic Leonardo Di Caprio and steers the ship into an iceberg.
13) The Terminator meets American Pie - a cyborg arrives from the future to kill 4 high school buddies before they can lose their virginity.

14) Alien meets Look Who's Talking - A baby xenomorph thinks how weird life is as it stalks its way around a spaceship, killing the crew.

15) Home Alone meets The Eagle Has Landed - a small kid has to thwart a band of german soldiers posing as robbers.

16) Mad Max meets Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Two children and their mother meet an angry inventor with a flying/floating car in a post-apocalyptic world.

17) Robocop meets Doctor Doolittle - A cop is brought back to life as a cyborg and finds he can talk to animals. A hamster helps him track down his murderer.

And there you have it, the best part of a day's work. If you have more that you can think of, feel free to leave your ideas in a comment, because deep down, there's a movie executive in all of us!