3 Years of Blogging - Anniversary Q&A

Some time ago (about a week), I put out an open invitation for you lovely readers to submit questions, to be answered by me, here. Unfortunately, the interest was poor to non-existent (you miserable buggers). Anyway, here are the few questions I did get, with some answers.

What is the correct way to eat a gingerbread man? With a knife and fork.
Do elves really wear those shoes with the curling tips? They do, their Winklepickers are creased.
Why is abbreviation such a long word? Because abbrev. looks silly.
If you wear a sheet for halloween are you a ghost or a mattress? Neither, you're a knob.
What is the speed of dark? The time it takes to punch someone's light out.
Can I throw a pie in justins face? Yes.
Does a jellybaby feel any pain? Not if you give it jellyparacetomol.
What colour are your underpants? Today, they're black.
Is the moon made out of cheese? Yes, it's moon cheese.
Does iggle piggle have nightmares? Yes, about Upsy Daisy having an orgy with the Pontipines and the Wattingers... the dirty whore.
Can I have some cheese on toast? Only if you make me some.
What's the sound of one hand clapping? It depends if there is anyone around to hear it.
What's that smell? Well, it isn't success...
Hello, is it me you're looking for? Sorry, wrong number.

So, thanks to the, ahem, THREE of you that actually joined in, and remind me never to bother trying this again. Ever.